'I Started Weeping, Didn’t Expect my Dad to Say That. I Decided to Quit Cricket': R Ashwin Opens up About His Mental Health

Ravichandran Ashwin has revealed he decided to quit cricket in 2017 and mulled over doing an MBA to build a career in marketing.  The star India offspinner says that the pressure of playing professional cricket was such that it began having a negative impact on his personal life and a fight with his father one fine day left him in tears following which he stopped watching cricket.

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In a revealing interview with The Indian Express, Ashwin, who recently became the second Indian to take 500 Test wickets, has thrown light on how the constant scrutiny and pressure to perform in a cut-throat world of professional cricket can impact a player’s mental health.

“There are layers of mental health,” Ashwin said. “Some people can succumb to pressure. Some are on the road all the time and can get jaded. Sometimes you are in a very dark place in your life that you want to talk to someone, and I think more often than not, people find themselves in the situation of a victim. Which is a very dangerous situation in my book.”

“Even though I have my family rooting for me and I can come back to my family, I cannot say a lot of things. I would say cricket, in many ways, is a corporate affair with a little bit of governmental organisational activities and attributes. Though If I come and talk with my dad about corporate stuff, he has only one line to say: It’s all politics. And that’s a very large line. And even fans end up doing the same thing. Occasionally, when I find myself in a dark spot, I have also done that a little. But it’s a very wrong thing to do because you feel somebody’s success is coming very easily. It’s not,” he added.

Ashwin then says he wasn’t able  to spend enough time with his young family and during a family discussion, his father once bluntly told him why he’s ‘getting screwed’.

“My wife is a wonderful listener, but she had a very young family and I was not giving her enough time. One fine day, we were having a conversation. My dad said something. And some internal affair of the house had broken down. And I said something to my dad. My dad and I fight a lot. And he eventually threw a statement “You know what? You are too upright and honest. That’s why you are getting screwed.” He made that statement and left. I am not someone who is emotive. I would like to think I am pretty strong but I just locked myself away. And then I started weeping. I was crying for a long time. I didn’t expect my dad to say that. I don’t think he even realized what he did,” Ashwin said.

“I thought I am putting people in my house through a lot. I used to lock myself in the room. I never watched cricket. My room used to be dark all the time,” he added.

Ashwin then decided to move on from cricket but then sought ‘external help’ to give him a different perspective that changed his ‘life for the better’.

“I decided to quit cricket. I was asking myself what would I do? And I said whatever I do in life, I would try to achieve excellence and be as good as I can be in that profession. I would probably try to do an MBA and probably be in marketing. I gave myself so many options and then thought before I make any decision, I must get crystal-clear clarity. Probably get an outsider’s view into my life. And see who I am, where I am. That’s when I sought some external help and it changed my life for the better,” the 37-year-old said.