Signs He Will Eventually Commit to You
He’s direct and honest about his feelings toward you. Even if you haven’t had a talk about becoming official, there’s a good chance he’s said some things about your connection, and these can be clues. For example, has he said that he loves spending time with you, or that you mean a lot to him? Has he opened up about how much he enjoys your convos, or how much he misses you when you’re apart? If he’s saying these kinds of positive things, it’s definitely a sign that your relationship is heading in the right direction. Talking about his feelings in this way also shows that he’s comfortable being open and vulnerable around you, which is another indication that your connection is serious, rather than casual.
He has open and engaged body language when he’s around you. When it comes to figuring out a guy’s feelings for you, dating coach Cher Gopman says that “body language is key.” If he’s deeply interested, he’ll face you and lean in when you’re talking, react animatedly to the things you say, and find excuses for little casual touches (like tucking your hair behind your ear, or grabbing your hand as you cross the street). These are all good signs that he’s super into you.
He prioritizes spending time with you. In this day and age, most people are juggling tons of time-consuming commitments, whether they be to work, school, family, or friends. If he makes an effort to see you on a regular basis, even when his schedule is jam-packed, this is a big sign that he’s serious about the relationship. It shows that you’re a priority for him, and that he’ll do whatever he needs to do to make time for you.
He checks in with you regularly. Does he text you throughout the day to ask how you’re doing, or share updates about his own life? Does he call you out of the blue just because he misses you? This type of consistent contact shows that you’re an important part of his life, and that he wants to feel close even when you aren’t physically together. If he does these things, his feelings likely run deep.
He introduces you to his family and friends. If a guy is serious about you, he’ll bring you into his life and encourage you to get to know his friends and family, explains dating coach John Keegan. This shows that he can see a real future with you, and that he wants his loved ones to accept and support your relationship. Keep in mind, however, that some people don’t have super close relationships with their families, so it isn’t always a red flag if your significant other hasn’t introduced you. For example, if he’s estranged from his parents, it would make sense if he didn't want you to meet them.
He’s excited to meet your family and friends. When a guy is falling for you, he won’t just want to “come over at midnight to hang out,” he’ll “want to meet your friends and your family,” says Keegan. If your boo is eager to get to know the people who are closest to you, this shows that he wants to become a part of your world, which is a big indication that he sees a future with you.
He is true to his word. If he’s serious about you, he’ll follow through on his promises and show up for you when you need him. If he says he’ll come to your work event, he’ll be there to support you, no matter what. If he says he’ll give you a ride to the airport, he’ll show up on time with your favorite coffee in hand. This kind of consistency is a huge sign that he’s serious about your connection, and that he doesn’t want to disappoint you.
He asks for your opinions and advice about things. When he’s going through something tough or dealing with a tricky problem, does he turn to you for advice? If so, this shows that he values what you think and wants to include you in his decisions, which are both great signs for a potential future between you. He likely wouldn’t try to include you in this way if he wasn’t serious about you, so commitment could definitely be on the horizon.
He shares his passions with you and asks about yours. When someone is in love with you, your goals become their goals (and vice versa). If he’s opened up about his ambitions and shown equal interest in yours, this is a super positive sign. It suggests that he wants to be a team, with each of you supporting the other as you go after your individual dreams.
He refers to you as a unit and uses the word “we” a lot. For example, if someone asks him if he can come to a party on Saturday, and he says, “I’ll have to see if we’re free,” he’s naturally incorporating you into his plans. This indicates that he’s already starting to think of the two of you as a couple, even if you haven’t had the official conversation about it yet.
He’s comfortable sharing your connection in public. According to Gopman, you’ll be able to tell how serious someone by the way they talk about you and treat you when other people are around. For example, if acts proud to be by your side and holds your hand or puts his arm around you, these are solid indications that he’s got serious feelings. This type of PDA signals that he’s “taken”, and that he’s not inviting any interest from other potential partners. Posting about you on social media is a good sign for the same reasons. If he shares a cute picture or video of the two of you on Instagram or TikTok, he’s basically letting all his followers know that you’re important to him.
He’s comfortable talking about (and planning for) the future with you. When you ask where the relationship is headed, is he excited and ready to engage in that conversation, or does he shut down and avoid it? According to clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael, it’s a positive sign if you’re “able to have honest and direct conversations about where you’re going.” This indicates that he's already thinking about the ways you fit into each others' futures. On a smaller scale, it’s also a good sign if he’s comfortable making plans with you months in advance. This shows that he thinks the two of you will still be together at that point. “Is he talking about a vacation a few months from now? Is he talking about different things he wants to do with you? All of those [things] are signs,” Gopman says.
Signs He's Not Ready to Commit
He’s difficult to make plans with. “If you feel like you're always struggling to pin him down, that could be a sign that he’s less eager and invested to move forward,” Carmichael says. She explains that it’s a bad sign if he’s “always giving you a vague response, like, ‘I've got some work stuff, I'm not sure,’ or ‘let's play it by ear,’” when you ask him to hang out. Of course, it’s possible that he is genuinely busy, and it has nothing to do with you. It’s important to look for patterns in his behavior, rather than jumping to conclusions based on one thing. For example, if he’s busy for a week or two because he’s got finals at school or a big project at work, this is likely nothing to worry about. However, if he never seems to be free, this could be more concerning. According to relationship expert Joshua Pompey, “disappearing for days” and “always making plans at the last second” are also signs that someone isn’t serious about the relationship.
He doesn’t initiate text or phone conversations. If you’re the only one making the effort to stay in touch, this could mean you’re more invested in the relationship than he is, explains Carmichael. For example, “If you're always the person reaching out to him on text, and if he doesn’t respond to your text within 24 hours, this might be a sign he’s not as interested.”
He doesn’t make you a priority. When a guy is serious about you, he’ll make an effort to spend time with you, and he’ll show up for you when you need him. On the flip side, “If you need him for something reasonable and he’s not showing up, or if you want to set up a date with him and he’d rather be with his friends,” Keegan says these are red flags. This type of behavior shows that he isn’t prioritizing you, which could indicate that he sees the relationship as more of a casual fling.
He doesn’t want you to meet his friends and family (and vice versa). Keegan adds that it’s a bad sign if he avoids introducing you to his loved ones, or if he shows no interest in getting to know yours. This could mean that he doesn’t see a future with you, so he doesn’t want either of you to invest the time and energy it would take to get to know each others' friends and family members.
He's hesitant or vague about future plans. Unfortunately, this suggests that he’s not sure where the two of you are headed in your relationship, so he’s holding back from making concrete plans with you. “If you want to plan a trip six months from now or three months from now, and he’s like, ‘I’m not sure about that,’ that’s a sign he’s not all the way in,” Keegan explains.
How long does it take for a man to commit?
The time it takes for a man to commit depends on the situation. Some men might know their partner is “the one” after just a few dates, while others need several months to figure out how they feel. Everyone is different, and there’s no hard and fast rule. However, professional matchmaker Julia McCurley does offer a rough time frame of 6-12 months for a man to commit and tell you he loves you, if you're really looking for a specific estimate. Remember, if a man doesn’t end up committing to you, it has nothing to do with how special you are. There are tons of reasons he might not be ready for a relationship, from a super busy schedule to emotional unavailability to commitment issues, and none of these things are related to your worth. Take some time to heal and move on, so you’ll be ready when the right person comes along. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and your perfect match is out there somewhere! EXPERT TIP Kim Chronister, PsyD Kim Chronister, PsyD Clinical Psychologist Dr. Kim Chronister is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders. Dr. Chronister has contributed to and appeared on Access Hollywood, Investigation Discovery, and NBC News. She is the author of “Peak Mindset” and “FitMentality.” She holds an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Alliant International University. Kim Chronister, PsyD Kim Chronister, PsyD Clinical Psychologist You can tell that someone has a fear of commitment if they're generally avoidant. Look for signs such as ghosting, avoiding questions about future plans, and not initiating contact.
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