Funniest Monday Jokes
Brighten your audience’s day with a funny Monday joke. Bozeman says a good joke has to be relevant. Don’t tell a Monday joke on a Friday; save it for a Monday morning when everyone needs a little pick-me-up. Here are some hilarious options to try: How do you survive Monday without coffee? You don’t. This is a trick question. What do you call a Monday that actually goes smoothly? Suspicious. What’s the most depressing sound on Monday? An alarm clock. What’s the difference between Monday and a vampire? At least vampires wait until dark to suck the life out of you. Why did the woman go to sleep in her herb garden on Sunday night? So she would wake up on thyme. What can you eat to make the first day of the work week better? An ice cream mundae. What’s the difference between disco and Mondays? Mondays are unfortunately here to stay. Why was the broom late for school on Monday? He overswept. What’s the saddest part of the week? Monday mourning. When does Monday always come before Sunday? In the dictionary. Why did the calendar maker go to prison? Monday laundering. Why doesn’t Monday ever get speeding tickets? It always goes by so slowly. What did the rotilla chips say when they got back to the office after the weekend? I got a queso the Mondays. What did the cyclops say on Monday morning? Eye don’t want to get up. What do you call Mondays without any appointments? Meatless Mondays. What’s a cow’s favorite day of the week? Moo-nday. What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed. Why couldn’t Monday do pull-ups? Because Monday is a weak day. What does the executioner say on Monday mornings? Time to beheaded to work. What did the cashew say on Monday morning? Mondays drive me nuts. Why was the root vegetable so happy on Monday? He was up-beet. How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings? Have a goud-a week! Why do employees get discouraged after 6 months on the job? After 24 weeks, they have a case of the Mondays. Meet the wikiHow Experts Kevin Bozeman is a stand-up comedian based in Downers Grove, Illinois. He has over 26 years of experience and is an adjunct professor at DePaul University, where he teaches stand-up comedy. Manuel Garavito is a stand-up comedian, producer, and the founder of Miami Comedy. He has been featured in the Miami New Times and VoyageMIA as a comedy expert and has produced over 5,000 live comedy shows.
Monday Knock-Knock Jokes
Have fun with a silly knock-knock joke. In general, knock-knock jokes are targeted at kids, but adults can enjoy them, too! A little wordplay can go a long way in brightening someone’s day on a dull Monday morning. Here are some examples: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Monday. GO AWAY. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you feel if you had to work today? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut you dare hit the snooze button again. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bean. Bean who? Bean awake for five minutes and I already need coffee. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey really have to go to work today? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Muffin. Muffin who? Muffin prepared me to face Monday. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help to get through Monday. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter get out of bed. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for work if you hurry! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita big cup of coffee right now. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Watt. Watt who? Watt do you mean it’s Monday? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use—you have to go to work today. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Terry. Terry who? Terrified of my inbox right now. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weekend. Weekend who? Weekend believe it’s Monday either. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Heymon. Heymon who? Heymonday is here already!
Monday One-Liners
Catch people off guard with a witty one-liner. Garavito says it’s important to tailor your one-liner to your setting and audience: “In conversation, don’t deliver it like a punchline—share it like a thought. People can tell when it’s forced.” Casually dropping a one-liner is a great way to make your friends, coworkers, or classmates laugh on a Monday morning. Here are some examples: I couldn’t decide if I should get out of bed Monday morning, so I decided to sleep on it. I made a huge to-do list for this Monday. Now I just need to find someone to do it. I can’t make it to work on Monday because I have a vision problem. I can’t see myself coming in. Coffee isn’t safe in my house. Every Monday morning, it gets mugged. A case of the Mondays? I don’t even want a bottle of the Mondays! Monday is the only day of the week with its own theme song: the sound of your alarm clock mixed with your soul leaving your body. They say Monday is a fresh start, which is technically true. It’s a fresh start counting down to Friday. Monday morning coffee isn’t a beverage. It’s a life support system with cream and sugar. I’m so good at sleeping through my Monday morning alarm, I can do it with my eyes closed. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF. It’s all fun and games until Monday rolls around and you have to put a bra back on. One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours. The same as one Monday on Earth. Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness. If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise. Rolling out of bed on Monday morning is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story. Everyone has their favorite villain. Monday is mine. The only thing worse than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. A much spookier day. Work is usually easy, but once in a while, it gives me a run for my Monday. I thought about wishing you a happy Monday, but that’s like saying “Enjoy your root canal.” I like Tuesday. It’s the furthest from next Monday as it can possibly be.
Monday Puns
Tell a cheesy pun to make people roll their eyes. Puns—you either love them or you hate them. Try casually working a pun into your conversation to see how many people groan or roll their eyes, or find an opportunity to make a punny joke. After all, Garavito says wordplay is the hallmark of a good dad joke. Here are some examples: I tried to make a pun about Monday, but it was pretty week. Another moan-day morning! Words cannot espresso how much coffee means to me on a Monday morning. Mondays are my week-ness. I’m done-day before Monday even starts. Just take it Mon-day at a time. What’s the best way to describe a Monday? Monday-ne (mundane). What’s the best time to get a discount on robotic parts? Cyborn Monday. Which day of the week are demons most tired? De-Monday. If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays. How do chickens feel on Mondays? Eggshausted. Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday? He was a Mondaylorian. Which day of the week makes werewolves howl? Moonday.
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