How to Ask Your Neighbors to Be Less Noisy

Talking Directly to Your Neighbors

Learn what you can about your neighbors. Before you decide to confront your neighbors about their noise levels, you should try your best to assess their situation, particularly if this noise problem is a new issue. Consider the following sorts of questions, the answers to which might affect whether you decide to talk to them or how you decide to talk to them: Do they have a new baby? If they do, they are surely aware that their infant is wailing and are trying to calm him or her. Indeed, they are most likely more stressed out about the baby's crying than you are. Consider giving it a little bit of time to let the new parents and baby settle into a routine before you decide to talk to them. Do they work nights? If so, there may be no way around them making noise while getting ready for work (showering, going down the stairs, starting their car, etc.) or coming home from their shift. Of course, if they are excessively loud (blasting music while they shower, for example), you may want to talk to them. On the other hand, if the noises they are making are what you would reasonably expect from anyone getting ready for their day, you won't have much of a case. Is their pet a new adoption who hasn't yet had time to adapt to its new home? If so, your neighbors and their pet may just be going through an adjustment period. You may want to consider waiting for a while to see if they manage to get their new pet settled and find strategies for dealing with its noise.

Choose the right time to talk to your neighbor. You are aiming for the best possible outcome, where your neighbor is receptive and sympathetic to your complaint. Thus, choosing the appropriate time and place to talk things over with them is important. Ideally, you will be able to talk to your neighbor when they are not being noisy or disruptive, especially if the problem occurs in the middle of the night (when no one is at their best) or if you are angry while the noise is going on. Try to pick a time when you are rested and calm, and also when you have reason to believe that your neighbor is similarly rested and won't feel ambushed. Of course, if the noise is unbearable, you may not be able to wait, in which case we give you advice on how to confront them at these times in subsequent steps.

Avoid ambushing your neighbor. In order to avoid putting your neighbor on the defensive, you should try not to surprise them at an inopportune time or place. It's best to avoid confrontations when it's clear that your neighbor is not prepared for a discussion, and it's even better if you can alert them to your need to talk and arrange for a time that works for both of you. For example, it's not a good time to confront when your neighbor when she has just gotten home a twelve hour shift, or when she is clearly struggling to get all her kids off to school. Rather than demanding that she give you her attention right then and there, you can try something like the following, after you see that she's got everyone buckled in: “Hey Kathy, I see that you're busy right now, but are you free for a short chat later this afternoon? I'd like to talk about some noise issues that I'm sure we'll be able to work out together.”

Be polite, respectful and friendly (if possible). There may come a time when you have to become more assertive if your neighbors do nothing to reduce their noise, but you don't want to be hostile when you confront them initially. Your neighbors are far more likely to be receptive if you approach them politely and calmly. Instead of banging on their door angrily, or having the first words out of your mouth be “Your d*%$ kids have been keeping me up all night!”, try easing into the conversation by asking them how everything has been going for them lately. If there is any way for you to compliment them or generally find a way to demonstrate your friendliness and willingness to work with them, then do so. For example, you may be there to talk to them about how their new dog barks while they are out of the house. So long as you aren't allergic and the dog is otherwise well-behaved, give the pup a good pet and compliment the owners on how beautiful she is. You can then lead into your issue: “Spot is gorgeous and clearly attached to you already. I think that may be related to why I'm here: you may not know it, but when you're out of the house, Spot barks and cries almost continually. I think this may be because she's dealing with separation anxiety. I was hoping we could come up with a plan to address that today.”

Let your neighbor know how you are being affected. If you can find ways to make your neighbor be sympathetic towards you, it is more likely that they will take your complaints seriously and commit to reducing their noise levels for your benefit. Once you've explained to your neighbor what activity or behavior of theirs is disturbing you, make sure that you clearly explain how it is negatively affecting you. Demonstrate to them that your problem isn't with them, but that it is with the noise and how it is interfering with your life. For example, if their music is keeping you up at night, try the following: “Chris, you clearly have excellent taste in music—I'd like to get that playlist from you if I can—but the walls between our apartment are pretty thin, and I've been having a really hard time getting to sleep because of it. I've got to get up early for work, so this is becoming an issue.”

Suggest a plan. Rather than just demanding that your neighbors shut up or stop making noise altogether, it will help if you are prepared with a plan. Be sure to let your neighbor know how you would like the situation to be resolved. Try to offer a reasonable plan that acknowledges your neighbor's right to live their own life in their own home. For example, if your issue is that your neighbor's dog has been barking while they are out, you can suggest that they crate the dog at certain times or place it in a different room in the house when they are out. You could also suggest that they shut their blinds and curtains and leave the television or radio on when they are out (which can reduce the dog's distractions and thus hopefully its barking). If your neighbor's music has been keeping you up, rather than just demanding that they turn it off, you could try the following suggestion: “Given that I try to be asleep by 10pm would you be willing to turn the music off or switch to using headphones by then?”

Avoiding a Confrontation

Be proactive and try to avoid noise problems. Everyone has neighbors who are noisy from time to time, and we are generally able to accommodate for this with little difficultly. However, you may have something big coming up such as a job interview or a change in work schedule, and are worried that your neighbor's noise may become a problem for you. If this is the case, it's better to be proactive and let your neighbors know ahead of time that you'll need a bit more quiet than normal. For example, in the days before your important event or schedule change, stop by your neighbor's with a plate of homemade cookies and try the following: “Hey Sam, I've got final exams all next week, and will need extra quiet time. Would you mind rescheduling your band's practice on those days, or maybe even temporarily moving it to a different location? It would help so much.”

Write them a note. While talking to your neighbors directly is probably the most mature strategy, and is often the most effective—particularly if you are able to connect with them personally and get them to sympathize with your predicament—there may be times when you'd feel more comfortable writing them. If you don't know your neighbors at all or if your schedules don't line up to where you ever see them outside of their home (at the mailbox, in the driveway, etc.), then leaving them a very politely worded note in their mailbox or on their door could be an effective way to alert them to the problem. Make sure that your note explains specifically what the problem is: For example, explain that you can hear their television at 11pm when you are trying to get to sleep, and note that it is loud enough that you can hear all of the dialogue on the program. Be sure to offer a proposed solution in your note: For example, suggest that they reduce the volume by a third, or ask that they move the television to the opposite side of the room, away from your shared wall. In case the situation is not resolved, you should keep a dated copy of the note for your records.

Be honest with yourself about how noisy or bothersome your neighbors are being. Keep in mind that just because you can hear your neighbors, this doesn't automatically mean that they are being too noisy and that you would be justified in asking them to quiet down. Remember that people do have the right to make noise in their own home. Of course, what one person finds mildly annoying the next will find unbearable—these are somewhat subjective terms. In your effort to decide if you really ought to confront your neighbors, ask yourself whether their noise is significantly interfering with your ability to sleep, work, listen to your own programs, etc. If so, then a conversation probably is called for. If, on the other hand, your only complaint is that you can hear their kids playing in the middle of the afternoon while you are trying to read your novel, your request to make them have their kids knock it off will come off as being overly antagonistic. Perhaps you can just move to a different room or wear earplugs while reading.

Involving the Authorities

Research local noise ordinances. If talking to your neighbor doesn't work, or if you want to avoiding having a face-to-face conversation altogether, you may need to be prepared to involve the authorities, whether that be the local police, your landlord, or building management. Before you contact them, you'll need to know that your neighbors really are being excessively loud. Most cities and counties have noise ordinances that outline what acceptable noise levels are, and many also indicate “quiet hours”. These vary from place to place, so you'll want to research the specific rules that apply to your location. You can do this by going to your county or city's website or your local courthouse. Many libraries also have references available on this topic. If you live in a neighbor with a Homeowner's Association or in a rental complex, then the contract, lease, or agreement you signed upon moving in most likely contains a noise clause. Consult this document to verify that your neighbors are in violation of it before proceeding to report them. Some towns/counties have special ordinances about dogs. If your noise issue involves a barking dog, you should research your town's ordinances to see if special rules apply.

Remind your neighbors of the noise rules. Before you contact the police or management, it's ideal if you can try to sort things out with your neighbors (of course, we understand that this is not always possible). If possible, provide your neighbors with a copy of the noise ordinances or the appropriate contract or housing agreement that they also signed upon moving in. You can do this in person or send it to them by mail. This will remind them of the rules and will serve as a warning to them. Indicate to them that if their noise is not reduced, your next step will be to report them to the authorities.

Contact the authorities. If your neighbors do not respond and the on-going problem continues, or even if this is only the first time noise has been a problem but it is out-of-control, you should contact either the local police or your housing management. You should reserve calling the police for more extreme or on-going instances of noise. Choose this option if the problem has been ongoing and your neighbors have not been receptive to your polite requests and when you are not able to first go to a landlord or Homeowner's Association. Call the police anytime that the situation looks dangerous or if you suspect that the noise is due to domestic violence or illegal activities. It's very important that you not put yourself in danger, and it's also important that you do what you can to help others that you think may be at risk. If you do call the police, try to call when the noise issue is ongoing. There will be a better chance that your neighbor will be caught “in the act” and will be warned, given a citation, etc. Contact your landlord, building management, or the Homeowner's Association for noise problems that are less severe yet still a nuisance. If your problem involves your neighbor's barking dog, you may want to call Animal Control as opposed to the police (assuming that you haven't been able to work it out with your neighbor already).

File a lawsuit. As a very last resort, you can consider filing a lawsuit against your neighbor. Think carefully about this, for you don't want to get into a war with your neighbor, but sometimes this can be the best motivator to get your neighbor to respect your rights. You may choose to sue either in small claims court, where you can receive money damages. If you are hoping to have a judge issue a cease-and-desist order to your neighbor, you'll have to file in civil court, and will need to hire a lawyer.