How to Be Cool and Popular

Getting Attention

Don’t let other people tell you who you are. It’s not very cool to dress or act a certain way just to make other people happy or to make them think you’re cool. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. Don’t wear preppy polos or strappy sandals or whatever everyone else is wearing just because someone made fun of your unique style; don’t act chill or disaffected just because someone accused you of being “hyper.” If you have your own thing going for you, then it’s cool to stick to it, and let the haters hate. Though “stop caring about what people think” may sound impossible, you can definitely do it if you make a point of casting aside the comments that were made about you and going on about your day. People who have nothing but negativity to spread aren’t worth your time. If people are spreading rumors about you or just saying bad things about you, don’t fight back by starting rumors of your own. Instead, take the high road and ignore these haters, showing that you’ve got better things to do with your time than to care about what they’re saying about you. That is definitely cool.

Let people see you having a great time. One important characteristic of a cool and popular person is that they generally have a great time no matter where they go. Though you don’t need to laugh like a maniac in the middle of an organic chemistry test, you should make an effort to have a good time no matter what you’re doing. Whether you’re waiting in the cafeteria line, chatting with your friends at your locker, or working in a group activity in school, you should give off a positive energy and act like you’re enjoying yourself. People will be attracted to your optimistic nature and will want to spend time around you. To make this easier, you should try to spend as much of your time doing the things you love as you can. Of course no one will see you having a great time if you’re stuck in detention or are on your way to band practice when you can’t stand it. Work on developing a positive energy that makes you see the bright side of things, and makes you quick to laugh instead of worry. Focus on being in the present moment instead of being concerned about how you come off.

Do something you love. Another way to get people to notice you is to do the things you love. This can mean taking dance lessons, singing with your friends, sketching, or even making your own clothes. It doesn’t matter what you do; what does matter is that you’re passionate about it. That passion will attract people and will make them think you’re a person who is interesting and worth knowing. Doing something you love will also lead you to get to know more people who share your passion. You can also get noticed by teaching people to master the thing you’re good at. You can offer to give people drawing lessons, tennis tips, or even tell people how to be the best at tetherball. If you’re willing to teach other people and help them improve, then you will definitely come off as cool.

Wow people with your confidence. People who are truly cool and popular have an understated confidence in who they are and what they’re about. If you’re cool and popular, then you don’t have to brag or show off, but you should project a positive energy and a happiness when you talk about who you are and what plans you have for your future. Stand up tall, smile, and speak with authority, acting like you’re not trying to put on a front or like you’re down on yourself. Showing how confident you are can go a long way in making you truly cool and popular. Talk about something you’re looking forward to over the weekend or an awesome show or movie that you saw. Make it clear that you’re happy with what you’ve been doing and that you want to share your ideas with people. Now that’s confidence. Compliment other people as often as you can while being genuine. People who are confident aren’t envious and see the good in people and are happy to point it out. Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know and strike up a conversation with that person. Now that takes confidence.

Rock your own style. There’s no one way to dress if you want to be cool and popular. Of course, there are some stores where “cool” people may like to shop, such as Urban Outfitters or Abercrombie, but that doesn’t mean that going there will make you cool and popular. It’s far more important for you to wear something that fits well, looks clean, and shows off your individuality than to give in to a certain style of fashion. If you like graphic tees, Converse, or dangling earrings, just own the look instead of questioning it or asking other people what they think about it. Don’t worry about having a perfectly-matching, immaculately-coordinated look. Wearing clothes that are offbeat or unique can be much more interesting if you can pull it off. The most important thing is that your clothes fit you well. Wearing clothes that are too baggy can make you look sloppy and wearing clothes that are too tight can make you look more provocative than you intended. Just remember to shower and groom yourself daily. It will be hard to pull off any look if you look sloppy or haven’t showered in a few days.

Don’t be too cool for school. You may think that it’s cool to act like you’re too good for school or like you have better places to be, but in fact, acting like you’re “too cool for school” will just make you look like someone who is kind of boring, or who doesn’t have anything he’s passionate about. While you don’t have to suck up to your teachers or go on and on about how much you love gym class, you should act like you’re actually alert and happy to be where you are, so that people want to be around you. Complaining, sleeping in class, or just talking about how you have better things to do won’t really win anyone over. It’s actually much more cool to care about the parts of school that you really love, and to make a name for yourself in them, whether you’re a history buff or president of the Student Council. If you don’t care about anything except cutting class, people won’t know who you are. Being a good students in the classroom, helping others with their homework, and taking the initiative to ask questions can actually make you more popular. When everybody has an issue with the same topic but feels intimidated to ask the teacher for help, be the one who asks! People will see that you can speak up for what you need, and that you are brave—and that means a cool person to hang out with.

Be friendly to everyone. Cool and popular people aren’t actually mean to everyone except the other people they determine to be “cool.” Instead, they make a point of talking to everyone around because they’re friendly, outgoing, and like to get to know people. Besides, your life won’t be very fun or engaging if you’re determined to ignore almost every person you know because you deem them to be not cool enough for you. Instead, make a point of saying hi, striking up a conversation, or just generally being kind to everyone around you unless they give you a reason to act otherwise. The definition of popular is “well-liked.” If you want to be well-liked, then you need to know a lot of different people so that they can like you. If you only talk to 10 people, then, while they may like you fine, you wouldn’t be well-liked by all. Don’t overdo, however, because it may come across as strange and even fake. Do kind, courteous things to show that you are human and recognize your impact on others, but don’t try to be overly nice, and remember that some things are reserved for your genuine friends only. If you put people down or are just mean to people who you think are unworthy, then you’ll come off as insecure.

Being Social

Don’t be afraid to talk to new people. You may think that people who are cool and popular only tend to talk to the other five cool and popular people in their grade, but that’s far from the truth. In fact, people who are actually cool and popular are comfortable talking to people they don’t know because they’re confident in who they are and are always looking for ways to make their life even more fun and exciting. Whether there’s a new girl in town or you want to get to know a guy in your math class, making the effort to talk to new people will go a long way in making you cool and popular. Just say hi and introduce yourself when the time is right. Most people will be happy to talk to someone new, especially if they don’t know anybody. If a new person seems shy or quiet, don’t mistake this as rudeness. It can take longer for some people to open up than others.

Ask people about themselves. Another way to be cool and popular is to show a genuine interest in people. You can do this by asking them simple questions like what their favorite classes are or what their plans are for the summer. Demonstrate a real interest in getting to know them, their interests, and their everyday thoughts and they will be impressed by how caring and kind you are. Though you shouldn’t interview people and not reveal anything about yourself, you should work to maintain a balance between getting to know people and talking about yourself. The fact of the matter is, most people love to talk about themselves, even if they need to be prodded a little. If you get them talking about their favorite subject, then they will like you, and you will therefore become more popular. Of course, you shouldn’t just ask people questions to make them like you. You should work on genuinely caring about getting to know people.

Avoid bragging. People who are truly cool and popular don’t need to brag about themselves because they’re already happy and confident in who they are and know that other people can tell without them having to say so. You can talk about the things you love to do without mentioning how great you are at French, skiing, or winning debates. There’s nothing people hate more than a show-off, and talking about how great you are will only make people think the opposite. Besides, self-promotion is not cool. Modesty is. If you’re really good at something, then other people will find out, whether they see it for themselves, hear it from your friends, or read about the goal you kicked in the school paper. Trust that your successes will come through and that you don’t need to broadcast them. Instead of talking about how good you are at something, take the time to compliment other people, whether they are on your debate team or your football team.

Let other people do the talking. If you want to be cool and popular, you should be outgoing and fun to talk to, but you also shouldn’t completely dominate conversations. The truth is, people care a lot more if you’re interested in them than if you’re interesting, so you should focus more on making them feel like interesting people and letting them talk instead of rambling on and on as an attempt to look cool. Of course, you shouldn’t speak in one-word sentences, either, but you should make sure that other people feel comfortable talking to you if you want them to like you and to think you’re cool. Whenever you’re having a conversation with someone, try not to do more than 50% of the talking. Nobody likes to stand there and hear a person go on and on. If you’re in a group setting, try not to dominate the conversation. Let at least three people speak before you tell another story or make another long comment. Though you shouldn’t monitor yourself every second of the conversation, you should be aware of not taking over.

Find common bonds with people. Another way to be cool and popular is to actually connect with people by finding common bonds. You don’t have to have everything in common, but you should find a way to talk about things you and the person you’re talking to cares about, from your love for Drake to your mutual affection for the Oakland A’s. When you come up to talk to a person you know, try to think of something you both care about, from a teacher you like to poke fun at to an after-school activity you do together. If you focus on these points of interest, people will feel like they have more to say to you. Get to know your audience when you talk to people. The brainy girl from your English class may want to talk to you about books or films, while the sporty guy on your baseball team may want to talk about the Mets game instead. Learn to read body language. If the person you’re talking to is shifting on their feet, checking their phone, or responding in one-word answers, then they may want to change the topic to something that you both care about.

Take the time to really listen to people. It’s one thing to be a socialite who knows everyone by name, and another to actually get to know people. While it’s great to know a lot of people and to be friendly to them, it’s also nice to actually take the time to know what goes on inside their heads. Though you can’t get to know everyone, take the time to really listen to people when they do talk to you, whether they’re telling you about their weekend plans, their worries about their grades, or about what they’re wearing to the school dance. People who are cool and popular actually care about people, and stand out because they can make anyone feel special. When someone is trying to tell you something, nothing else should matter. Put away your phone, stop looking around, and look into their eyes as they tell you what they have to say. Avoid interrupting or giving your opinion until the person is done talking. Focus on listening to the person on his or her own terms, instead of comparing the situation or experiences to something that happened to you. If you find yourself saying, “That sounds just like my break up…” then you’re not really listening.

Don’t put people down to look good. If you really want to be cool and popular, then you shouldn’t have to put people down just to make yourself look awesome. In fact, being mean to people, especially people who don’t have a lot of friends and who are looked down upon, is one of the lowest, most pathetic things you can do. If you want people to truly respect you and to feel like you’re a kind person, then you can’t go around demeaning people. It won’t make you look good or cool at all, but like a person who is so insecure that he needs to bring other people down to feel better. That is decidedly not cool. If you hang out with people who regularly put other people down, then it may be time to find some new friends. First, though, talk to your friends to see if they are willing to change their behavior.

Getting Involved

Join a sports team. One way to be cool and popular is to join a sports team, if you are so inclined. Of course, if you have two left feet and completely hate sports, then there’s no need to torture yourself. But if you’re interested in sports or have been pretty good at baseball, soccer, or tennis in the past, then joining a sports team can help you make new connections, gain leadership abilities, and work well with others. All of these skills will help you become more cool and popular. Joining a sports team will also let you meet a lot of cool people who you might not get to meet in your classes. It’ll help you expand your social network, and people who are truly cool and popular have a wide social circle.

Join a club. Another way to expand your social network and to be cool and popular is to meet people through clubs. You can join the Student Council, the school paper, the school yearbook, or a variety of other clubs that let you explore your interests. You’ll get to meet a variety of new people and will be able to bond over a shared interest. Talking about something you actually love? Now that’s definitely cool. You may also meet a different type of person in some of your clubs than you would while being part of a sports team. Being friends with a variety of people helps you learn how to talk to almost anyone and can help you become more well-known. Just being part of the club is not going to make you popular. It is important to really enjoy the activity, express yourself in a positive way, and share your excitement with other people who like it.

Get involved in your community. You may not think there’s anything cool about getting involved in a tutoring program at your local library or volunteering at a soup kitchen every other Sunday. However, being active in your community, whether you’re campaigning for a local politician whose cause you believe in or you’re cleaning up a local park, will help you get to know a variety of people of a variety of different ages. You’ll be building your character while learning to interact with a wider swath of people. If you’re involved in your community, you may even gain experience talking to older people, which is a valuable skill that can help you become more mature and knowledgeable. These people may have a thing or two to teach you about what it really means to be cool.

Maintain a variety of interests. If you want to be cool and popular, then you should try to expand your area of interests. While it’s great to be the football captain, you would be exposing yourself to a lot of similarly-minded people if you follow that route. If you really want to be cool and popular, then you can join the football team, but also make time for yearbook or volunteering. Of course, you don’t want to put too much on your plate, but you also don’t want to spend your life only associating with one type of person, either. Maintaining a variety of interests can help you meet a number of interesting people. Once you befriend them, you should also work on expanding your social circle and hanging out with those people at non-club or sports related activities. Joining a club, a sports team, or a community network can also help you find your talents and develop them. Having a talent is very cool indeed.