How to Deal With a Younger Brother

Treating Your Brother With Respect

Think about how you treat your brother throughout the day. Do you push him when you pass him in the hall? Do you lock him out of the bathroom just to annoy him? Do you take his things without asking? It can be easy to pick on a little brother without even thinking about it, especially since he's littler than you and can't really do anything about it. Start noticing how you treat him throughout the day. In some cases, it can feel like it is your brother's fault that you pick on him. He annoys you, so you pick on him, so he annoys you more-- it's a cycle that won't stop until you try something different.

Think about how he must be feeling. It can be hard to be a younger brother. He probably thinks you are cool and wants to be with you, but isn't mature enough to play the kind of games you like or hang out with you like your friends do. He might be starting fights or bothering you because he wants attention. When you imagine how someone else is feeling, it is called empathy. Empathy helps you decide how to act toward someone by imagining how they feel, and then responding with what would feel most helpful or reassuring to you if you were in their place.

Treat him how you would like to be treated. You've probably heard this saying, called the "Golden Rule," and it is a great way to treat your brother. Just because he's your younger brother doesn't mean he doesn't deserve regular respect! Treat him how you want him to treat you. Don't yell at him, take his things without asking, or tattle on him. He may not treat you the same, but if you're respectful and kind to him, you can't be blamed for him starting a fight.

Approach him in a kind tone. Never start a conversation screaming. It hurts his feelings when you snap at him, and will make him snap right back. Try saying "Good morning!" in a cheery voice every day. It sets the right tone for the rest of the day.

Resolving Conflicts With Your Brother

Sit him down and have a heart-to-heart talk. If you and your brother have been fighting a lot lately, or if he has been doing things that annoy you, you should have a conversation with him to let him know how you feel. Make sure that you don't make him cry. Try not to talk down to him in a bossy way, or tell him what to do. Let him participate in the conversation and tell you how he's feeling as well. Try using "I-statements" to explain how you feel. Instead of blaming him by saying things like "You are always so nosy and rude!" you might say, "I feel frustrated when you come in my room without knocking. It makes me think you don't respect my privacy."

Apologize for times you have been mean to him. You have probably picked on your brother or yelled at him when he was annoying you. Tell him you are sorry for those times and that you want to have a better friendship with him. Speak honestly and openly and set your ego aside to give him the most sincere apology. Try saying, "I'm sorry that I've been mean to you and yelled at you. I don't know why I do that sometimes, but I want to try to be nicer to you."

Make a list of things you both can change. You both are probably guilty of annoying and being mean to each other. Write down what you wish your brother wouldn't do, and ask him which things he doesn't want you to do. Keep the list short and focused on the most important things-- try for two or three things each. You might ask him to not interrupt when you have friends over, knock before coming into your room, and not borrow your toys without asking. Agree with him that you will both work on not doing the things that annoy each other.

Stay calm even when he acts immature. It can be hard to have a serious conversation with a little brother. If he is making rude noises or making faces while you talk, simply stand up and say quietly, 'I tried to talk but...', and walk away. If he calls you back look at him (without saying anything) and wait until he speaks. When he does, sit down beside him and finish your conversation.

Listen to every word he says and show that you care what he thinks. When he is done talking, hug him and remind him that you love him, even if you two fight sometimes.

Know how to react when you two fight. Even if you sit down with your brother and agree to get along better, you will still have some fights in the future. If you think you will start yelling at him say: "I'm not going to fight with you." If you do start arguing, let him win sometimes. That can surprise him and cut the fight short. Say, "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm going to go in my room and read for a while." If you're really mad at him just walk away and tell him that you don't want to be mean so you want to get away from him. Tell him you don't want it to end with you two fighting.

Finding Ways to Get Along

Try to play his favorite game with him or read his favorite book. Spending time with your brother doing the things that he likes means he's less likely to bug you for attention when your friends are over or you're trying to do homework. Try to schedule regular time together to play, go to the park, or just color pictures together.

Get your siblings to play together. If you have multiple younger siblings, set them up to play a game with each other. That way, they will be preoccupied with each other instead of you. If they start arguing, politely step in and remind them that they are siblings, not enemies. Play with them for a few minutes until they seem like they are friends again, then go do whatever you were going to do. You might set up a game of veterinarian with the stuffed animals, or set up a simple board game like Hi Ho Cherry-O or Chutes and Ladders.

Give him something to do when he is annoying you. If you are trying to do something and he won't stop bothering you, ask him to draw you a picture or color a page for you in a coloring book. Make a big deal out of how much you want him to make you something, and he'll feel special while he makes it. Be sure to thank him and hang the picture up on the wall in your room, so he knows you really do appreciate it.

Let your brother know you love him. Make sure you tell him you love him regularly. It might seem cheesy, but he needs to know that you are there for him and care about him. Try saying "Love you!" in the morning when your brother leaves for school or at night when you go into your rooms to sleep.