How to Dump Him Without Saying a Word

Make Him Dump You

Be clingy. While some guys can deal with a clingy girlfriend, this strategy will usually end in a breakup. Call him every hour, on the hour, “just to check up.” Every time he answers, tell him how much you missed hearing his voice, that you can’t wait to see him again, that you’ve told everything and everyone all about him. Get mad if he takes too long to answer you. This can be anything from answering a text to answering the phone to answering a question you ask him in person. Make sure you’re dramatic enough to be obnoxious, but not so much that he knows you’re putting on a show Hang on him. Never stop touching him. Wrap your arms around him while you’re walking, and pout slightly if he asks you if you can just hold hands instead. Say things like “I’ll miss you pookie!” when he gets up at dinner to go to the bathroom. Be possessive. Get jealous if he ditches you to spend the evening with his sister, if he tells you he’s going to spend a night with his friends, tell him you’ll come too. If he has a really close friend that’s a girl, tell him you don’t feel comfortable with their friendship and that he has to choose between you and her. Interrupt Boys’ Night, if he has one. Call him in the middle in the throes of an emotional crisis, or, better yet, go over to “surprise” him.

Say “I love you” too soon.

Talk in a baby voice. When he comes home or does anything remotely cute, coo in a high pitched voice and saw “Awww my widdle biddy pooh bear, I love you so much”

Give him annoying nicknames. Pretend as if his actual name doesn’t exist. Mr. Pookie Bear, Coochikins, and Cupcake are all good choices.

Stop making an effort in your appearance. If he mentions it, get offended and say that you thought he loved you for your personality, not just your appearance. Stop wearing deodorant. Burp a lot and then laugh about it. If you have to fart, let ‘er rip.

Tell him too much information. Hide ‘’nothing’’ about your life. If you had a disgusting surgery, tell it in all its gory details. Tell him explicit stories about your exes, family life, and friendship troubles.

Interrupt sex and make-out sessions. Nothing will frustrate him more than having to stop sex to deal with something you said. Stop in the middle of sex and say “I don’t feel like you appreciate me for my personality, I feel like you only appreciate me for my body.” Laugh or cry while you are having sex. Call him by another guy’s name, preferably one that he used to be jealous of. Randomly bring up something you did years ago that you’re ashamed of. “I can’t believe I cut Lucy’s hair in 5th grade. GOD that was mean of me! Do you think I should apologize again?” Start a serious discussion. Ask him things like, “Do you think I’m a bitch?” or, “What would you do if I told you I was pregnant?” The second one has the added bonus of scaring him, as well.

Constantly compare him to your ex. If he takes you to a restaurant, say something like, “Oh, Rick took me here! It was such a romantic evening. After dinner we went stargazing and he told me he loved me. It was so romantic.” If he does something you don’t like, say something along the lines of “Rick ‘’never’’ would have done that!"

Ignore him

Stop putting effort into the relationship. Stop answering his phone calls, texts, emails, etc. Never text or call him. If you are in the middle of a text conversation, randomly stop replying. Reschedule dates and hang-out events frequently. If he asks you if you’re free, say “I’m not sure, I’ll text you in an hour or so” but never text him back. When he tries to hold your hand, hold his for a couple seconds, then point to something or fix your hair with the occupied hand. When the hand motion is done, put your hand in your pocket or hold your cell phone or something that prevents him from trying to grab it again.

If he comes over, be cold and aloof. If possible, focus on something other than him when he’s there - make an important phone call, catch up on some work, or text other people constantly.

Ignore him when you’re together in groups. If you absolutely have to talk to him, act annoyed and do so with as few words as possible.