- Accept that the relationship is over, and try to forgive yourself and your ex for any part you both may have played in the end of the relationship.
- Focus on your other relationships, including the one you have with yourself. Take up new hobbies and exercise to distract you and boost your self-confidence.
- Give it time. The healing process can’t be rushed, and it might take months or longer before you’re over your ex.
Accept that the relationship is over.
The first step to getting over a breakup is acknowledging it happened. There's no getting around the grief. It might be tempting to try to deny your pain, or to hold onto hope that you and your ex will get back together. Go easy on yourself for wanting to delay an onslaught of grief, but try to accept that the relationship is over, and that it really, really hurts. A large part of this acceptance is forgiveness. Forgive your partner or yourself for the problems that led to the split. You are both only human. Consider working a journaling or meditating practice into your morning. They can be really helpful ways to mentally process your breakup and practice sitting with your grief. They're also both proven methods for alleviating stress and making you feel calmer. Remember, just because your relationship ended doesn't mean it was a waste of time. Love can be perfectly real without being forever. Be kind to yourself. Let your inner dialogue be the way you would talk to your best friend if they just got dumped.
Get rid of things that remind you of them.
Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. Eventually, you'll be able to think about your old partner without being overcome with emotion. But at this point, being reminded of your time together can lead to intense nostalgia, sadness, and regret. Get rid of things in your life that remind you of your relationship, at least temporarily. Items that remind you of your ex might include any of their possessions that they left with you, gifts they gave you, music or mixtapes they made for you, and pictures, drawings, or artwork that reminds you of your ex. If there are items you can't stand to throw away, try packing them into boxes and keeping them somewhere out of the way for the near future. You might even give the items to a close friend and ask them to tuck them away for safekeeping.
Avoid contact with this person.
Seeing your ex could just make moving on harder. It can delay the healing process by enhancing your feelings of grief and stress. It could also tempt you to fall into old habits of flirting and relying on your ex for emotional support. Unless you're 100% certain that you can stay "just friends" with your ex (and they are also 100% sure), avoid seeing your ex as much as you can for at least a month or 2. When you are forced to see this person, keep your conversations as short and polite as possible. This advice applies to your technological connections as well. Consider unfriending or blocking them on social media (at least for the time being), and remove their number from your phone to reduce the temptation to text. It might be possible to become friends with your ex eventually, but you both need to give yourselves time to get over one another first.
Prioritize your other relationships.
Friends and family can support you through your breakup. After a breakup, it's easy to fall into negative thought patterns and become overly critical of yourself, or to just struggle with loneliness. Your friends and family will offer you helpful advice and be there to comfort and reassure you when you're not feeling good. Remember — nothing ever got better because people didn't talk about it. If you're away from your support network, make the best of your situation. Phone calls and Skype chats can be very helpful. You can even make new friends, but avoid getting into a new relationship immediately following your breakup.
Explore new passions and hobbies.
Being single will give you time and energy to focus on yourself. Once you've taken some time to recover from your heartbreak, use your new independence as an opportunity to focus on improving your life. Now is your chance to explore your passions and get to know yourself, which will boost your self-confidence and help remind you that there's more to life than your ex. Devote yourself to your work. Accept ambitious new assignments. Take more responsibility. Ask for a raise or a promotion. Or take a chance on a new job! Take up a new hobby. Learn how to play an instrument, study a new language, or start writing stories or keeping a journal. Explore the world! Travel, meet new people, or trek out into the wilderness (with proper safety precautions).
Get plenty of exercise.
Boost your spirits with physical and mental activity. Exercise is a fantastic way to start feeling good about yourself after a difficult experience. Not only is it cheap and fun—it's also proven to boost moods and fight clinical depression. Best of all, if you stick with it, you'll start to notice changes in the ways you look and feel that increase your self-confidence and make it even easier to get over your heartbreak. Dive into a sport or activity you've always been curious about, like soccer, yoga, or croquet. Team sports and classes are also great ways to meet new people! Outdoor activities also have the added bonus of giving you plenty of fresh air, sunlight, and interaction with the natural world, all major boosts to your self-esteem and personal peace. Remember to eat well and take a good care of your health. It will help you feel better about yourself.
Live in the present.
Realize you can’t change the past. No matter how badly you or your partner screwed up in the past, you can't change it. What's done is done. Coming to terms with this can be difficult — some people are deathly afraid of letting go. However, you can't truly move on with your life until you start thinking more about today than about when you were with the person you used to love. Realize your past, including your relationship, doesn't define you. If you haven't already started exploring new hobbies and experiences, doing so will help you start feeling more like your own person again, which will make it easier to leave the past behind. Practicing mindfulness is a helpful way to be present in everyday life. Mindfulness involves becoming aware of your thoughts—that is, acknowledging them as you experience them—and accepting them—in other words, not judging yourself for having them. So next time you catch yourself dwelling on your ex, acknowledge your feelings (grief? anger?), accept that you're having them, and then try to ground yourself in the present moment.
Look forward to the future.
Things aren’t as bleak as they may seem right now. It may feel like you’ll never be happy again. As time passes, this idea will start to seem less and less reasonable. The fact is that you can always look forward to a brighter future. There are always new people to meet, new experiences to seek out, and bright new days to look forward to. Your happiness isn't determined by what happened in the past — it's determined by what you have in store for the future. It will take longer to move on depending on how long your relationship lasted. Be patient with yourself and don’t force yourself to move on too fast. It can help to plan something exciting to look forward to, just to help get you through the first few weeks or months being single. Is a band you like coming to town? Buy tickets! Did you and your ex have plans to go on vacation in 6 months? Go on the vacay anyway, alone or with a pal.
Open yourself up to new relationships.
New relationships can remind you there are other fish in the sea. After a difficult breakup, it's usually wise to swear off romance for a few months to avoid the emotional problems that can often come with "rebound" flings. So do not jump into a new relationship right away if you haven't let yourself grieve and heal yet.However, once you've taken some time off, it's okay to look at, talk to, and like someone new. It might even be fun and a boost to your self-esteem! Considering new romantic prospects may feel a little painful or awkward at first. This is totally normal, but it'll fade in time. Remember, you're essentially going through a kind of withdrawal from the person that you constantly talked to and saw before. When someone new does come along, let them in. Don't be so afraid of future heartbreak that you can't enjoy your life now.
Let your memories of this person gradually fade.
Time heals all wounds. Right after your breakup, it may seem like you can't go a minute without thinking about how badly you miss your ex. Slowly, however, over the weeks and months, these thoughts will become less common. Eventually, you will go an entire day without thinking unhappy thoughts about your ex. You'll basically "forget" to be sad. When this happens, take it as a major accomplishment. You did it! The rest of your life awaits. This isn't to say that you need to stop thinking about this person altogether. You can hold memories of this person dear in your heart. Let the memories be a source of gentle tenderness and nostalgia—like thoughts of a beloved relative who has long since passed away.
Reach out to a therapist.
There’s no shame in getting some extra help. Ending a relationship can feel like experiencing a death—in fact, the grief we feel after a breakup is a lot like the grief we feel after someone dies. Time may gradually heal the wound, but that doesn’t mean a licensed therapist can’t help you unpack the trauma of the breakup. Reach out to a counselor if you’re having trouble managing your grief on your own. Lots of people struggle to find the time to add a therapy session into their week, but lots of therapist do remote therapy as well, including counselors on Better Help. Find a therapist that works for you, and don’t be afraid to switch therapists if you try one and they aren’t a good fit. Breakups are often deeper than the actual relationships and can work as a trigger, bringing up issues from your past. A therapist will help you understand what the relationship actually meant for you and put the breakup in perspective.
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