How to Socialize As an Introvert

Warming Up to Social Situations

Define your reasons for socializing. Are you trying to land a job? Do you want to go on more dates? Keeping your goal in mind will help you stay motivated to socialize regularly. Having a goal will also help you know where to direct your efforts. For instance, if you’re networking for your career, you might decide to attend more conferences.

Think of some conversation starters. Before you even go out, think up a few topics that you’d be comfortable discussing with other people. Having some conversation topics at hand will boost your confidence, especially if you’re shy. Talking about the weather is always a safe option, since everybody deals with the weather on a daily basis. Other good topics of conversation include work, family, and food. Keep your conversation topics light, relatable, and neutral. Avoid talking about personal or touchy topics such as religion and health. Stick with things like "How do you know the host?" or "I haven't seen your family in a while. How are they?"

Practice putting yourself out there. Your social skills get stronger the more you use them. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true: if you stay inside all day, your social skills will deteriorate. To stay on top of your social game, challenge yourself to interact with people regularly in your day-to-day life. You can practice small talk with classmates, co-workers, or the person behind you in the checkout line. Set a goal to make conversation with one stranger each day. This can be with the cashier at the grocery store or the mail carrier. Consider getting a job that helps you develop your social skills. Waiting tables, bartending, and working retail are a few options that give you plenty of opportunities to talk with people.

Connect on social media. A low-pressure way to break the ice with someone before you meet them in real life is to reach out to them on social media. Try following them on Twitter or adding them on LinkedIn. This way, you won’t be total strangers when you meet face-to-face. This strategy works especially well for meeting new people at work.

Avoid comparing yourself to extroverts. If you hold extroversion up as the standard of “correct” behavior, you might end up feeling inferior for no good reason. Introversion is neither better nor worse than extroversion – just different. Instead of putting yourself down for being an introvert, focus on your own unique strengths and look for ways to work on your weaknesses.

Managing Social Events

Know your limits. You’re not obligated to go to every party or night out you get invited to. Be selective about which invitations you accept. By balancing social activities with solitary time, you’ll enjoy socializing more and avoid burning yourself out. You can politely turn down an invitation by saying, “Thanks for asking me, but I’ve already got plans for that night.” Don't be afraid to say no. Be assertive if someone invites you to an event you are not sure you can handle.

Bring a friend. If you’re nervous or just need some moral support, ask a friend to accompany you to an event. Your friend can help you break the ice with strangers and avoid that awkward feeling of not knowing anybody in the room.

Relax your body. It’s hard to feel anxious when your muscles are relaxed. If social situations make you nervous, learn some techniques for letting go of tension. You’ll feel more at ease when you’re relaxed, and other people will subconsciously feel more at ease around you, too. Deep breathing exercises are a simple and effective way to calm down when you’re feeling tense. Another way to relieve tension in a social situation might be repeating a mantra in your head. Try something like "I am the picture of calm" or "I can successfully navigate social situations." In addition, avoid closed-off body language that drives people away like crossing your arms or orienting your body away from the speaker. This sends the message that you want to leave. Instead leave your arms at your sides, make occasional eye contact, and turn towards the person you're speaking to.

Ask people about themselves. When you meet someone new, take some of the conversational pressure off yourself by shifting the focus to them. Ask questions about their work, family, or hobbies. Most people love to talk about themselves, and they’ll feel flattered that you want to know more about them. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. For example, you could ask a new acquaintance, “What was your favorite part of your trip to New Zealand?” or “Why did you decide to move here?”

Know when to leave. There’s no rule that says you have to stay until the end of an event. Know your limits and don’t wear yourself out. It’s fine to gracefully excuse yourself if you feel your batteries running low. Make up an excuse ahead of time if you feel awkward about leaving early. For instance, you could tell people you have to feed your pet or get up early for work the next day.

Maintaining Friendships

Avoid trying to be close friends with everybody. As an introvert, you’re probably good at nurturing a few close friendships. Trying to be best friends with everybody will just tire you out. Choose your friends carefully, and don’t use up your social “juice” on people who don’t add value to your life. Having a few good friends and a wide circle of casual acquaintances is a better strategy than trying to befriend everyone in your life.

Check in regularly. Sometimes a little bit of regular contact is all you need to keep a friendship going. Make it a priority to check in with your friends on a regular basis, even if that just means sending them a text or a funny video on Facebook. It’s much easier to maintain a friendship than it is to re-establish it after you haven’t talked for a while.

Take on the role of host. Hosting a get-together or party lets you decide when and where the event happens. It also takes some of the social pressure off your shoulders – instead of sitting and talking, you can stay busy making sure everyone is comfortable and having a good time. Plus, your friends will appreciate your hospitality.

Make time for meaningful conversations. One of the defining qualities of a close friendship is being able to share your personal thoughts and experiences with each other. Having quality conversations with your friends can keep your friendship going strong, even if you don’t spend time together frequently. Don’t rush into personal conversations with a friend you’ve just met – this might scare them off. Instead, let it happen naturally as you get to know each other better.