- Push-pull is a flirting style that alternates between showing interest and disinterest in a crush.
- For example, try alternating between closed-off and open body language, or be the first one to pull away from a kiss.
- Try not to rely exclusively on push-pull. Some people don’t respond well to this technique and find it manipulative.
What is the push-pull method?
The push-pull method is a flirting technique that alternates between showing interest and disinterest in someone. The method is said to increase attraction, especially with women in heterosexual relationships. Basically, a guy will “push” or express disinterest in a girl but then suddenly “pull” or express interest in her. By alternating between “I like you” and “I don’t like you,” the woman may start to chase the man more to ensure he continues liking her. Think of push-pull like hanging a dangling toy in front of a cat. Most cats won’t go after the toy when it’s right in front of them; however, when you pull it away, they chase it. In other words, playing “hard to get” makes you more desirable. While this flirting style is most commonly used in heterosexual relationships, it can also be used in all types of partnerships.
How to Push-Pull Correctly
Make sure your pulls aren’t too over the top. The best way to push-pull is to make sure your crush doesn’t know what you’re up to. Flirt subtly by complimenting her appearance or sitting close to her. This way, it won’t be too jarring when you pull back slightly. Basically, show interest without being over the top. For instance, try a casual wink in passing instead of staring at her from across the room.
Use time restraints. Push your crush away by slipping a time restraint into the conversation. Perhaps you're meeting friends in 10 minutes, so you can’t talk long or bump into her right before class. Having only a designated amount of time to chit-chat will leave her wanting more. Try saying something like, “I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m running late for class. Catch up later?” or “It’s been so fun talking to you, but I’m planning on meeting a friend soon.”
Ask your crush to do something, but make sure a string’s attached. This can be as simple as saying you’ll give her your number if she promises not to call too much. Make the restriction light and playful to tease her without being negative. Try one or more of these examples to pull her in and then push her back: “I’ll give you my number, but only if you promise not to text me too often.” “Want to see a concert tomorrow? You just have to promise you won’t embarrass me.” “I’d love for you to meet my family, but I’m afraid they’ll like you too much.”
Fluctuate between making and avoiding eye contact. When you make eye contact with your crush, you’re pulling. When you avoid eye contact, you’re pushing. So, alternate between the 2 for the best results! Catch her eye in passing or in class, but look away after a few seconds of locking eyes. This will build mystery and intrigue, making her want you more.
Alternate between open and closed body language. Pushing and pulling a crush can be as easy as standing a certain way. If you’re pushing her away, cross your arms and turn your body slightly away from her as you talk to say, “I’m not interested.” Then, to pull her back, stand or sit with your feet apart and your arms open at your side. Look her in the eyes as you talk to show that you're interested and engaged in what she has to say.
Make comments to trigger positive and negative emotions. One of the best ways to perfect the push-pull method is to flirt with your crush using backhanded compliments. Now, this doesn’t mean you should insult her. Instead, tease her playfully. Say something that evokes a positive emotion, then counter that with a negative remark. For example, you might compliment her dress but say you dislike her shoes: “That dress is amazing. But the shoes could be better.” Perhaps you want her to meet your friends, but you’re afraid she’ll embarrass you: “If you want to meet my friends, you have to promise not to embarrass me.”
Stop kissing before she does. Increase the tension by pulling away from a kiss first. Not only will this capture your crush’s attention, but it’ll also likely have her begging for more! Ease away gently from the kiss, and consider adding in a playful tease like, “That’s all you get for today, love,” to seal the deal.
Be mindful of her reactions. If you try the push-pull technique, be aware of how your crush reacts to everything you do. The last thing you want is for her to be pushed away for good! If she starts becoming distant and shows little interest in you (even when you’re pulling), switch to another flirting style—push-pull may not work for her. She may not be interested in you if: She doesn’t reply to your texts. She ignores you on social media. She uses blunt, short language with you. She doesn’t initiate conversations with you. Keep in mind that flirting isn’t about you; it’s about making your crush feel good. One of the best things you can do when flirting is to be flexible. Work with your crush, not against her! Go with the flow, and follow the natural direction of the conversation—you never know where it’ll take you.
Push-Pull Flirting Examples
Hug your crush and then push them away, saying, “Alright, that’s enough love for one day.” “I can’t have you around. You’re just way too cute. It’s distracting.” “You scrunch your nose when you’re mad. It’s cute.” “If I were into blondes, you’d totally be my type.” “You’re adorably annoying. Did you know that?” While kissing your crush, say, “We shouldn’t be doing this.” “Maybe I’ll take you out sometime, but only if you promise to be nice.” “We should totally grab coffee! If you're not a psycho, that is.” “You look so interesting.” “I'll accept your follow request, but only if you promise not to slide into my DMs too often.”
Are there risks?
The push-pull method could push someone too far away. As with any flirting, the push-pull method comes with some risks, including losing a girl altogether. If you push a girl too much, she may lose feelings for you and walk away for good, no matter how hard you try to reel her back in. Along with this, some people find this flirting style toxic and manipulative, as it depends on toying with someone else’s emotions. One study found that couples who tease or push-pull each other are more likely to be in relationships that end. Because of the risks, many relationship experts recommend using the push-pull method alongside other types of flirting. Using it alone could make you seem hypocritical, so mix up your style and personalize it for the girl. For instance, if your crush reacts well to pulls, avoid pushing her too much. Instead, opt for flirting compliments and praise to get her attention.
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