Preparing to Write Your Letter
Set the mood. Go somewhere private and shut the door. Try to remove as many distractions as possible, including noise, disruptive electronics and interruptions. Create an ambiance that inspires you with candlelight or music. Maybe there is a song that reminds you of the person you love. Find that song and play it while you think. You can also bring a picture of your love with you to look at.
Reflect on your feelings. We all have moments where we feel very deeply about the ones we love. Conjure up that feeling—a moment when all your attention was focused on that one person, and you were completely immersed and lost in your love. Experience the physical and emotional feelings of that moment as deeply as you can. Be sure to jot down a description about your feelings and any words that come to mind to describe the way you feel.
Think about the person you love. You fell in love with him or her for a reason. There was something about them that first attracted you and something that helped you fall in love and kept you there. They have special attributes, such as looks, personality, character, temperament, humor or strengths that you want them to know you appreciate. Tell him or her all the things you love about them and how you value who they are and what they do for you. Think about what your significant other is to you? Your best friend? Your soul mate? Make a list of everything you appreciate and adore about your partner. Now create sentences with your list. “I love how soft your hands feel in mine,” or “I love the way you look at me and let me know everything will be all right,” or perhaps, “Your smile and easy laughter can make my whole day.” Don’t just focus on physical characteristics. This can make the letter feel shallow and incomplete. You don’t want to completely avoid physical attraction in your letter either, though, because then it can feel a little too platonic. Love letters are meant to be tastefully sensual and respectful—not necessarily erotic.
Use memories to guide you. You have probably shared many special moments with your lover. You have a history with your significant other that only you two share. The memories of those experiences enrich your relationship. Think about the story of when you two first met or felt sparks fly. There was a moment in time when you knew you wanted to be with that person. Write down that story and everything you remember about it—from the clothing they were wearing to the place it happened and how nervous or confident you felt about approaching them.
Think about the future. Your relationship has a past but it also has a future that you want to encourage in your love letter. If you’re apart, describe all the things you want to do together when you’re reunited. If you’re committed, discuss some goals, dreams and fantasies you have about your future life together. Write it all down.
Consider if it was your last day on earth. Many love letters have made their rounds from soldiers at the battlefront throughout history. It can give you some perspective to think about what you would say if there might not be a tomorrow. Make every word count, and don't be shy.
Drafting the Love Letter
Write a rough draft. Don’t worry so much about grammar and spelling at this point. The message is what matters, and once you get that down you can go over the letter and fix any errors. Your letter is a confession of sorts on how you feel, and right now you want to focus on being completely honest and open about how you feel and why. Take your time and don’t rush. If this is the first love letter you have ever written, then keep that in mind. There is a learning curve for everything, so accept that you may have some difficulties or make mistakes. Use your own voice to express how you feel. Don’t imitate the way someone else writes or speaks. You want this message to be uniquely yours and to reach your partner the way only you can. It must be sincere and reflect the real you on paper. Keep your partner in mind as you write your letter as well as the level of your relationship. Declaring your love to someone for the first time will probably be a little different on paper than writing a letter to your wife of 20 years. Remember to state your love somewhere in the letter. A simple "I love you" works just fine.
Start at the beginning. Tell your beloved why you are writing the letter. You want to be clear that this is a love letter right away. Think about what led you to decide to write the letter. You can say something like, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately how much I love you, and I want you to know how much I cherish you.” Don’t insult your lover or depreciate yourself or your feelings in the letter. Be confident about how you feel and what you are saying to avoid confusion.
Write the body. This is where your memories, stories and all the things you appreciate about your partner will come in handy. Tell your lover what you love about them, why you love them, how they make you feel and remind them of a story that is unique to your relationship. Tell him or her how your life has changed for the better, and how your life would be incomplete without them in it. The goal of the love letter is to express very deep feelings that you have a hard time conveying in person. Take this opportunity to say more than you usually say and to take it to a deeper level. Use the ideas you jotted down earlier to guide you. If you don’t write poetry, consider including a poem from a favorite poet or a quote that expresses more of what you’re trying to say. Always give the writer credit to avoid looking like you tried to steal it and trick your partner into believing it was yours. If you want to be cheesy, go ahead. Just be authentic, and if your partner loves you, he or she will love your letter too.
Be positive. Everything you are writing is probably going to be saved. Avoid bringing up negative things in the letter as much as possible. Don’t be critical or indecisive either. This is your chance to tell your love how great they make you feel and how awesome your life is with them in it, not to go over your mistakes or rehash bad history. A good way to keep your letter positive is to talk about how you feel right now. Yes, you want to go over those special stories about how you fell in love but you also want to be sure your partner knows that you still feel strongly for them or even more so. Try something like, “Now, a decade later, I still get butterflies when you smile at me,” or "I love you more now than I ever have before." You might also say, "Your love has altered my existence" or "I can't live without you."
Reiterate your commitment. Talk about the future you hope to have together. Remind them how important your relationship is and how long you want it to last. Tell them your level of commitment, and if nothing will stand in the way of your love, faithfulness and devotion, let them know. Describe what forever means to you and what it looks like with your partner in it.
Close your letter. You want to end your love letter positively. You can end with a statement that briefly describes how you feel about your love. You can write something like, “I hope to dream of you tonight,” or “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Finishing Your Letter
Choose nice paper or stationery. Give the person something pretty they can touch, feel, and, if you’re lucky, tuck into their pillow at night. It's best to write on paper that has either a simple (such as white), calming (for example, cream), or sensual (such as flesh-toned) color. Selecting high-quality paper will add a nice touch and show how much care went into writing your letter. If you don’t have any stationery, a piece of plain or notebook paper will do fine as well. The message is definitely more important than the type of paper you write on. You can make regular paper look old or even make your own paper if you want to do something fun. Use either a black or brown ink to keep the writing grounded and classy-looking. Avoid “teacher colors” like blue, green, and red that will make it look like you’re marking up a homework assignment.
Use an intimate salutation. Address the person as “beloved,” “dearest,” “beautiful,” “most cherished,” or, if appropriate, a pet name. If you are already in a romantic relationship, you can say “my” (for example, “To My Dearest ____”), but don’t do this if you’re using the letter to confess your feelings—it could come across as presumptuous and territorial. Instead, use something more detached like “To The Lovely ____,” for example.
Date the letter. Date your love letter (month, day, year). This is a memento of your love that will be treasured for years to come. The date is important, and will help bring your love back to the moment he or she received the love letter from you. It is bound to be read over and over again, so be okay with some phrases from this time in your life that you put in the letter being quoted to you later.
Rewrite your love letter. Use your draft letter to create your final letter. Make sure there aren’t any smears or marks on the paper and that your handwriting is legible. Penmanship is important here so take your time writing, and try to make each letter as neat as possible. You want your love to be able to read and enjoy looking at your love letter.
Sign the letter. This is your final goodbye. Suitable sign offs include “Yours,” “Yours Forever,” “XOXO,” “Kisses,” “All My Love,” and “Love Always.” If applicable, include a pet name, inside joke or even a reply to a long-unanswered question to make it more personal. If you want to be a bit more romantic, try a simple but passionate farewell. "With undying love" or "Forever yours" can work well.
Add a personal touch. You can include something special with the letter as an extra token of your love. This may be flower petals, a favorite teabag, even perfume or cologne sprayed on the paper. You can also trace a hand on the back of the letter or leave a lipstick kiss on the paper.
Put the letter in an envelope. Fold the letter with the text on the inside, and place it in an addressed envelope. You can choose an envelope that matches your stationery for a beautiful effect. If you want, you can make the envelope or even fold the note itself into an envelope. Alternatively, roll the letter up like a scroll and tie it closed with a piece of nice ribbon or string. A romantic stamp, such as the Garden Bouquet stamp, can add a lovely embellishment to your envelope. If you want to, put the stamp upside down, which customarily means, "I love you."
Surprise your love. Mail your letter through Special Delivery if you really want to get your loved one’s attention. Surprise can enhance the message and make the experience more emotional and memorable for your significant other. You can also choose to hide the letter under a pillow, in a drawer or bring it in on a plate with dinner or breakfast. You may want to wait a little while before you send out your letter. After you have finished, put it away and check it before it is time to send it out. Look for errors and make sure there is nothing that you will regret later in there. Then send it out, and be prepared for a passionate response to your labor of love.
Write other love letters. Don’t make this a one-time event. Make a habit of writing love letters to the person you care about for birthdays, anniversaries, time spent apart, time spent together or no particular reason at all. The more you do, the easier love letters will be to write and the more meaningful they’ll become.
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