What Is a Lavender Marriage?

“Lavender Definition” Meaning

A lavender marriage concealed the sexuality of one or both partners. Popular in the early 20th century, these types of marriages were usually between a gay man and lesbian woman, or between one LGBTQ partner and one straight partner. Although the two partners were not romantically interested in each other, they would enter into a heterosexual marriage to avoid the discrimination that would come with being openly gay. They were essentially marriages of convenience, as they allowed LGBTQ people to prosper in their careers and even have private gay relationships without arousing suspicion from the public.

“Lavender Marriage” Origins

The term comes from the Golden Age of Hollywood. In the early 20th century, gay, lesbian, and bisexual movie stars would get married to each other or to a straight partner in order to hide their sexuality from the public and protect their movie careers. Many of these lavender marriages were even arranged for the stars by the movie studios they worked for. One of the most famous Hollywood lavender marriages was between actor Rock Hudson and Phyllis Gates, who was his agent’s secretary. The marriage was orchestrated to quiet rumors about Hudson’s sexuality. Other unions that were speculated to be lavender marriages included Barbary Stanwyck and Robert Taylor's marriage, Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker's marriage, and Judy Garland and Vincent Minnelli's marriage.

Do “lavender marriages” still happen today?

Gen Z has been redefining the concept of a “lavender marriage.” According to several posts on social media, Gen Z-ers are considering lavender marriages not because they want to hide their sexualities, but because they’re disillusioned by the dating scene, and they want to find a platonic partner they can split living costs with. Instead of looking for romantic love or sexual compatibility, they’re looking for friendship, consistency, and financial security. One example of this is a viral post by TikTok user @robbiesmoonmusic, which garnered 5.9 million views and 1 million likes. In the video, Robbie says that he is taking applications from women who want to be in a lavender marriage, so that they can split expenses like their mortgage, utilities, and taxes, and do fun things like go on vacations together.

Benefits & Drawbacks of a Modern “Lavender Marriage”

There are many potential benefits to modern day lavender marriages. With costs of living being so high, many young people are struggling to make ends meet and wondering whether they’ll ever be able to become a homeowner. Gen Z-ers have also expressed frustration about the dating scene, especially the prevalence of dating apps and hook-up culture. In this context, the idea of finding a reliable partner to share financial burdens with (without the potential heartbreak and drama of modern romance) can seem pretty attractive. Specific reasons people may be interested in lavender or platonic marriages include: Being able to be on the same health insurance plan Getting the tax benefits associated with being married Having someone to help with household chores Having personal freedom and space (not sharing a room or bed, etc) Having someone to go on vacation with Having consistent friendship and companionship at home

There are a few downsides to modern lavender marriages, as well. For one thing, many people dream of finding romantic love, so a platonic marriage might not be totally fulfilling for them. There’s also the chance that one partner in a lavender marriage may develop romantic feelings for the other, even if they initially agreed to keep things purely platonic, which could lead to hurt feelings or heartbreak.

The Bottom Line

Lavender marriages have always been about seeking freedom and security. In the Golden Age of Hollywood, they allowed LGBTQ stars to build successful careers in the public eye without the threat of discrimination. They also allowed these stars to have queer relationships in their private lives without scrutiny from the public. In the 21st century, lavender marriages have evolved as a way for members of younger generations to gain financial security and emotional stability in the face of rising costs and a stressful dating atmosphere. There are upsides and downsides to both versions, but ultimately, they both seem to be ways to defy conventional understandings of marriage and reimagine what partnership could look like.