What’s the Meaning of “How Are You Holding Up?”

• “How are you holding up?” is another way to ask, “How are you managing a difficult situation?” It acknowledges the other person is facing stress or hardship.
• When people ask this question, they usually expect a detailed response: describe your situation, ask for help (if needed), and be honest about your emotions.
• “How are you holding up?” has a different meaning than “How are you?” The latter is a common greeting that doesn’t require a close relationship with the other person.

What does "How are you holding up” mean?

“How are you holding up?” expresses concern over someone’s well-being. This question is another way to ask, “How are you managing this difficult situation?” And, many people use it to check in on their loved ones, especially during hardships like divorce, illness, or job loss. It’s a meaningful way to show empathy because it lets the other person know they’re heard and supported. Someone might ask: “I know you’ve been busy, but how are you holding up after the big move?” “How are you holding up post-graduation?” “I heard that your husband is ill. I wanted to call and see how you’re holding up.” “How are you holding up after the funeral?”

How to Respond

Describe your situation in detail. When someone asks, “How are you holding up?”, they usually expect an in-depth response of several sentences. They may be unaware of your circumstances, so be specific when explaining your struggles (if you’re comfortable). Share the timeline of events, who was involved, and your response to the situation. “I got laid off last Thursday. My boss called me in for a meeting in the morning, and I got this weird vibe that something was up. He said…” “Not going to lie, it’s been really tough lately. My sister was hospitalized last week, and we found out she’s really sick…” “Things could be better. I’ve been struggling with these intense nightmares that keep me up at night. I’ve had them since childhood, but they’re affecting my work now…” “It’s been okay. I don’t want to delve into all the details, but I’m getting out of a funk.”

Ask for help if needed. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done, but ask the other person for advice or resources regarding your situation; they might have gone through a similar experience, or they can connect you to a mutual friend who understands your position. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, and most people are extremely willing to give you the help you need. “I’ve never experienced a breakup like this before. How do you get over a major breakup, and what’s the best way to get over him?” “Do you know anyone who has severe anxiety? Or, do you know any ways to cope with it?” “How do you juggle multiple projects at work, especially with tight deadlines? Do you use any apps or tools?” “Could you compile a small list of resources for me?”

Be honest about your emotions. It’s perfectly normal (and beneficial) to express your feelings to others. Remember that the other person wouldn’t have asked you the question if they didn’t care: you’re not a burden, and it’s okay to open up and be vulnerable. “I’m not going to lie, I’m really going through it right now. My mental health has been deteriorating, and it has been a struggle to get out of bed in the morning...” “I’ve been super stressed since graduation. I have no idea what my next move is, and I feel like everyone my age has their life together…” “To be honest, it has been an absolute nightmare taking care of my toddler. Not only physically, running around and juggling work, but also emotionally…” “The divorce has been harder than I expected. It’s really challenging managing my emotions about it, especially around the kids…”

Differences to “How are you?”

“How are you?” is a common greeting. This question is often used as a replacement for “Hello.” People ask, “How are you?” to make small talk in casual environments like the workplace, so it’s not considered an important question; the asker doesn’t want a lengthy response or personal details. Here are some possible replies: “I’m doing great. Thank you for asking.” “It’s Monday, so I’m hanging in there.” “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?” “Not too bad. Just the same old, same old.” “ I’ve been better, but thanks for asking.”

“How are you?” doesn’t imply there has been a previous conversation. Even if you’ve never spoken to someone before, it’s perfectly normal to ask, “How are you?” It’s not an exclusive follow up question, and you don’t have to be close with the other person. “How are you holding up?” usually indicates there has been a prior conversation where the responder reveals they are facing a difficult situation. Generally, you wouldn’t ask “How are you holding up?” if you didn’t have somewhat of a close relationship with the other person. Don’t feel pressured to ask, “How are you holding up?” if you aren’t comfortable with the other person. It might be more appropriate to state, “let me know if you need anything.”

“How are you?” has a positive connotation. “How are you?” is usually asked in a friendly, light-hearted manner. Sometimes, strangers use it simply to be polite or acknowledge the other person. “How are you holding up?” is asked when you understand the other person is under stress, so the question is more serious and caring. In general, avoid responding to “How are you?” with a negative answer; it creates an awkward situation.