After having written the feature on inter-caste marriages – ‘Inter-caste marriages: Is love wrong or parents right?’ – one realized it was not going to be an easy choice. Readers also got into a heated debate in the comments section. On one hand are the parents/family who have cared and loved you since birth and on the other hand is the future with the person you love and want to create a family with. Is it selfish to give up one family to make another? Are you letting your parents down?
With as little literary liberty as possible, this story is a real-life story, with names changed to protect identities. However, this feature does not promote or suggest that you do the same.. Every situation and every family is different. Base your decisions and judgments on the facts at hand and be prepared for the repercussions. You might get a new family and you might never speak to your parents or current family again…
The Story
He (let’s call him Amit) had first seen Her (Nisha) in college, or they had seen each other, the details over the last 10 years have grown fuzzy. Amit remembers though that Nisha was wearing a salwar-kameez, nothing spectacular, except that she stood very straight and carried herself with a poise that usually befits someone older, not a 19-year-old. Neither of them was your textbook idea of good looking, yet both had an innate confidence. They were in the same class.
Their first conversation was in the college canteen, or so Amit recalls. Nisha says it was when he asked for her notes. Conversations were never tough as they could argue on almost any subject since their thoughts differed on every subject. Three years of college flew by and Amit got his first job in another city. Nisha decided to pursue a specialized course in graphic designing.
Another two years went by with emails, phone conversations and twice a year meeting when possible. It took a toll on both of them, but Amit and Nisha knew that their initial separation was nothing compared to the life of togetherness they hoped lay ahead for them. Both decided to talk to their respective parents. Amit’s parents had no problems with the marriage. Nisha’s parents though…
Amit spoke to her father and requested for her hand in marriage… and was summarily refused. Amit was a Punjabi, Nisha was a Jain. It was impossible. For a year they kept trying to talk to Nisha’s parents with no result. Then things went from bad to worse pretty quickly. Even as she was barred from meeting Amit, Nisha’s father started looking for a match. They found a pilot – good looking, earning well and from their caste – while Amit was just starting out in business in Mumbai; Nisha lived in a nearby city.
Before you read further tell us: What would you do if faced with a similar situation?
NEXT PAGE >>> They did what no parent would forgive...
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It was then that Amit decided to speak to the Pilot who had been ‘found’ for Nisha. The two men met at a coffee shop and Amit requested the Pilot to reject the proposal, narrating how he loved the girl and how Nisha reciprocated as well. The Pilot heard the story and then made his decision.
He gave Amit 24 hours to marry Nisha: Then the Pilot would not only reject the proposal, he would also tell Nisha’s father the whole story about Amit approaching him. Amit and two of his friends dashed to the Mumbai airport but unfortunately there were no planes to where Nisha lived, scheduled trains had already left. In panic, Amit approached his boss who advised he should take a taxi.
While all this was happening, Nisha had no clue that Amit was coming to get her, the two had not been able to speak since Nisha’s phone calls were under constant surveillance. After half a day’s ride, Amit reached Nisha’s city and called one of her friend’s who knew the entire situation. The friend called Nisha and told her to be ready and that Amit was coming for her.
Nisha was tense and knew that her running away with Amit would sever bonds with her parents forever, yet she hoped… She was marrying a good man and a man she loved, perhaps her parents would understand? She wrote a letter and left it for her parents.
Amit came in the same taxi and took Nisha, who only carried a bag of clothes. They reached a station and took a train to Mumbai. They married the next day. No one from Nisha’s family and were not even taking her calls. She was asked never to call her family again or try and meet them. For one full year neither Nisha’s parents nor any relatives spoke to her, she was a slur on their family name. Then Nisha got pregnant with their first child and called her younger sister…
A year and a half after eloping with Amit, Nisha’s parents came down to see her and their newborn. Something broke, the parents relented towards Nisha but still wouldn’t speak or acknowledge Amit. He never lost hope and didn’t say a single bad word against his reluctant in-laws. The rest of her family continued to boycott Nisha and Amit. She didn’t care, at least her parents had softened to a certain degree and she was with the man she loved and her child.
Two days back – three years after they have been married – Amit received a birthday greeting card in office. It was from his father-in-law wishing him a successful and happy year ahead. “I have never been this happy, we believed and hoped they would accept us. Eloping is never an easy choice, we all love our parents and I wanted Nisha to be happy, she never complained or blamed me for alienating her from her family. But God has been kind. That card made my day. I am the happiest of men today,” says Amit, “I hope others who take a step like ours eventually find peace and happiness with their parents too.” We hope so too…
Do you agree with what Amit-Nisha did? Do you think it's possible for parents to forgive and love their children again? Feel free to use the comments section to leave your feedback, suggestions and comments. If you have any relationship query or a real-life story to share - no names will be given out - mail the author: [email protected]
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