Make your relationship work

After succeeding in his studies, the man rushes to his girlfriend and shares his results joyfully. There is no jubilation in her but a deep sense of jealousy. He can feel it, but cannot say to her, ‘why can’t you rejoice in my success?’His love, to her, appears to be a burden rather than a gift. The ways of love are amazing, he tells himself, but there is a powerlessness in him. With tears in his eyes, he passes a graveyard and looks at the graves. It appears to him that perfect peace is achieved in the graveyard after our death and not while living. He looks at the graves in the hope that the wisdom of the dead will give him some understanding. Like lightning, an insight blesses him with this thought, “All this is because we don’t know how to convert our frustration into fascination, our pain into power.” Then, the man asks himself, “I find myself in pain and feel powerless in the presence of my girlfriend, what should I do?” “So long as you love her and she loves you, it is enough for the time being. Just enjoy all the pranks of romance. But understand that just love is not enough; you need understanding and sacrifice to make your relationship work,” a voice within him says. What do we learn from this incident? Though initially, it’s the magic of the body that operates more, later when one’s backyard is exposed, garbage comes to the forefront. One should be committed in a relationship to help remove the other person’s garbage in the backyard. Then, you will transform pain into power. Pain comes from the backyard of your life, where the unconscious hurts and frustrations exist. Understand this well.Why does this happen? It is due to your centre being anchored in your girlfriend and not in you. Unless one’s centre does not blossom beautifully, one’s relationship will not blossom. Even in martial arts, the first discipline is to be calm and to be centered. We have to draw our energy from that calmness and not from the hurry to fight. That is why Bruce Lee pauses every time before he strikes. He says he draws his energy from silence and then delivers his kick or punch.So, in a relationship as well, one’s energy should be drawn from silence and not from fear or expectation. You have to train yourself; any discipline needs training, be it music, or painting. Then, man and woman will be like mirrors reflecting each other.How do I go about selecting my partner in life?There are five factors you can include in your decision while choosing a life partner: body chemistry, mind, emotion, spirituality, his/her value system and financial compatibility.All these factors may not be there in an individual but include all that in your decision-making. Very important among them is the spirituality or value system. If your partner has bad values then your relationship will be like a hell in motion.