Dealing with Egoistic People
Talk to an egomaniac friend calmly about how you feel. Let the know that their behavior is hurting you and that you’d like to make some space in the relationship for your needs and feelings. You might say, “I care about you and our friendship, but I feel like we spend a lot of time talking about your feelings. I would like to share some of my experiences with you, but I’ll need you to listen.” There is a range of egotistical personalities, some more fixable than others, so pointing out a friend’s bad behavior might fix the problem. They might not realize how they're acting!
Cut ties with your self-centered friend if (s)he dismisses your concerns or is a negative presence in your life. You are not required to maintain friendships that are detrimental to your happiness and well being. If the relationship seems truly toxic, cut ties and try not to feel guilty.
Flip the script and focus on yourself when you find yourself married to an egomaniac. Egomania in intimate relationships can be especially difficult. Egomaniacs lack empathy, so a romantic partner can feel unloved and lonely. Think about what needs you are fulfilling by partnering with an egoist. Often, it is a lack of self-worth or co-dependency. Review your own childhood. An egocentric parent might have trained you to deny your own needs in favor of someone else. Take control of the situation by respecting yourself and working on your own sense of self-esteem. Do some activities that you are interested in, whether it's reading, gardening, or watching your favorite movie. Remember that you matter, too. When your partner begins another self-centered outburst, calmly say something like, "I understand that that you are really excited about your idea, but I've been listening to you talk for a while. I'd like you listen to some things that I have to share." Or, "It makes me feel like you don't care about me when you talk over me and ignore the things that I say. I need you to listen more." Set boundaries and tell your partner: "I really don't like it when you treat to me like that. If you keep doing that, I'm going to leave the room." Then, follow through if your partner's egotistical behavior continues. Approach your partner as an equal, not a superior. Couples counseling might be a good option.
Get help if you find yourself in a controlling, manipulative, or physically abusive relationship. Some egoism amounts to selfishness or arrogance, which is annoying and obnoxious. But a small number of people are extreme and actually have a personality disorder (called narcissistic personality disorder, NPD), but someone being abusive isn't a sign of this. True egocentrism can be part of an overall abusive personality. It’s important to recognize this for what it is and get help.
Create a healthy sense of self within an egomaniac family. An egomaniac affects everyone around them, particularly within a household. Spouses suffer, and children grow up feeling inadequate, and often end up this way themselves. Counseling might be appropriate when an egotistical parent is wreaking havoc on the self-worth of the rest of the family. While it may be difficult to get the offender onto the therapist’s couch, other family members can get help. Work to establish healthy boundaries for yourself and your children. Don’t expect the egomaniac to change without professional help, so set realistic expectations. Offer sincere positive recognition when appropriate. Focus on the characteristics that you truly admire.
Recognize toxic friendships. If you’ve been friends for a long time, it might be hard to see that the egomaniac isn’t really an exciting, larger-than-life personality. (S)he is just obsessed with themself. Egomaniacs can often be the life of the party, so many people are, at least initially, drawn to them. If your friend isn’t interested in you, or never gives you a chance to talk, it might be time for a change.
Dealing with the Egoist At Work
Change your perspective. You do not need to constantly engage with this person. The situation can be tricky when the egomaniac is your colleague, but by remaining calm and diplomatic, you can stay reasonable and active. When you feel an avalanche of self-praise coming on, subtly stop the conversation by avoiding eye contact, withdrawing verbal affirmation, and acting disinterested or bored.
Maintain your sense of confidence. Remember, just because the egomaniac claims (s)he can walk on water, that doesn’t mean it’s true. You will have an easier time dealing with their self-apprasal if you remind yourself that you are capable and successful. If your boss is the egotist, (s)he will probably have a hard time giving you the support and encouragement you need, so look elsewhere for a mentor.
Avoid feeding their ego with compliments and validation. The egomaniac is actually very insecure and craves affirmation and attention. Don’t be the person (s)he relies on for proof of their worth. Instead make a slight pitiful pat on the shoulder, let them know its okay, this should take them a step back and confirm your confidence.
Check your own ego. When confronted with another person’s constant assertion of self-worth, your own insecurities or pride can get the best of you. Is this person really worth your time and energy? Don’t let them lure you into an argument or long-winded conversation about their latest deeds.
Manage your employee’s need for control. If you are the boss, and one of your employees is the egomaniac, offering your subordinate options might mitigate their need to assert herself or challenge you. Focus on the positive, and keep them focused on solutions. You might try killing them with kindness, so to speak. Strategic use of praise and compliments can be a great motivator for an egocentric employee.
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