- Acknowledge the fact that you have feelings for her. If you're really struggling, share what's on your mind with a trusted friend, loved one, or therapist.
- Distract yourself with a daily schedule, fun activities, or group outings so you aren't thinking about her.
- Distance yourself by removing her on social media and getting rid of anything that makes you think of her.
- Move on to newer, greater heights in the future by focusing on your own goals.
Working Through Your Feelings
Accept that you have feelings for her. It’s normal to want to avoid thinking about how you feel, but this just makes you think about it more. The only way to stop feeling this way is to acknowledge your emotions. Put your feelings into words, and tell yourself it’s okay to have them. Say, “I really thought I had a future with her. She has everything I wanted in a girl, and I don’t know if I’ll find that again.” Then, tell yourself, “These feelings are normal and it’s okay for me to still have them.”Tip: It’s okay to feel sad or cry about your feelings. This can be painful, but you will start to feel better in time.
Focus your thoughts on something else that is important to you. While ignoring your thoughts won’t make them go away, replacing them might help you stop thinking about her. Think about your best friend, your pet, or a goal you have. This distraction might help you temporarily stop thinking about the girl you like. For instance, you might listen to your favorite album and try to remember all of the lyrics. Just make sure it isn’t an album that reminds you of the girl. As another option, play a strategy game like Chess, Monopoly, or Total War: Warhammer. Focus your thoughts on trying to win the game.
Confront the reasons why you can’t be with her. Whether she’s a crush or an ex, there’s a reason things didn’t work out between you. Reflect on the time you’ve spent together and why you’re apart now. Then, make a list of the reasons things didn’t work out to help you accept what happened. If she’s an ex, reflect on the good and bad of your relationship, as well as why it ended. If she’s a crush, think about why you never got into a relationship. Perhaps she is dating someone else or has expressed that she just wants to be friends.
Talk to a trusted friend or relative about your feelings. Be honest about how you feel and let them comfort you. Additionally, listen to any advice they can offer. Your family and friends likely see things differently than you because they have an outside view of the situation. You might say, “I really loved this girl, and now I’m worried I’ll be alone forever.” If you can, reach out to multiple friends and relatives so you have a big support system. Keep in mind that friends and family, while well-intentioned, may not be equipped to give advice, and may instead project their own biases or dysfunctional beliefs onto you. If you'd like to just vent your feelings, put parameters on the conversation first.
See a counselor or therapist if you’re struggling with your feelings. You might find that nothing is helping you feel better, and that’s okay. A counselor or therapist can help you recognize your feelings and use mental strategies to move past them. They’ll also help you build your self-esteem so you feel more confident. Look for a counselor or therapist online or ask your doctor for a referral. If you have insurance, some of your sessions may be covered.
Keeping Yourself Busy
Make a schedule for your day so your time is occupied. You won’t have time to think about the girl you like if you’re busy doing something else. Make a schedule for yourself by first listing the most important things you need to do. Then, plan some fun activities to help yourself feel better. Finally, decide how you will occupy yourself during your free time. In the early morning, you might go for a jog, check your newsfeed, and play with your pet. During mid-morning through the afternoon, you might attend school or go to work. If you don’t have either, go out with your friends, take an online class, or pursue a hobby. It’s common to have free time late in the day, so plan multiple activities. Make a dinner date with your family or a friend, then watch a movie or do something creative. You might also work on your homework or read a book.
Pursue your interests to improve your self confidence and meet people. Try to have as much fun as possible. Not only will this help distract you from your pain, it will also help you feel good about yourself and potentially meet a new girl. For instance, you might do something like: Try out for a sports team. Draw or paint. Do improv. Learn an instrument. Plant a container garden. Write stories.
Spend time with your family and friends to help you feel better. Your family and friends can be a great support when you can’t stop thinking about a girl you like. Recruit them to help you have a good time so you avoid dwelling over your feelings for the girl. This will help you remember that you aren’t alone. Ask family members to enjoy dinner or a movie with you. Invite your friends over for a game night or to binge watch a TV show. Go out for coffee. Plan a fun outing to an arcade, laser tag, or bowling.
Letting Her Go
Get rid of items that remind you of her. Donate gifts and trinkets to a local thrift shop, and toss any paper mementos, like notes or photos. Don’t forget to go through your phone or computer to delete photos, messages, and other content that makes you think of her. If you’re struggling to let go of these items, ask a friend or relative to help you. If you don’t think you’re ready, put the items in a box and place it somewhere out of sight. Then, let it go when you feel up to it.
Try to avoid seeing her until you’ve moved on. If it’s possible, stay away from places you know she’s likely to be. Switch up your routine so that you’re less likely to see her. Use this as an opportunity to try a new coffee shop or restaurant, as well as a new path to work or class. Sometimes you can’t avoid seeing a person, and that’s okay. Just do your best to minimize encounters with her.
Talk to someone else to distract you if you can’t avoid seeing her. If you must be in the same room as her, start a conversation with someone else to keep you occupied. As another option, you might do something on your phone, read, or write down your thoughts to help you avoid interacting with her. For example, you might share a class with the girl you can’t stop thinking about. Before and after class, try to talk to another classmate, or use your phone if it’s permitted. During class, focus on the lecture and challenge yourself to take a lot of notes. Participating in class will also help you keep your mind on the topic and not the girl you like.Tip: If you are seated near the girl at work or school, talk to your teacher or boss to ask to switch. Tell them you want to make the switch because you believe it will help you learn or work better. Say, "I'd like to sit further away from the door so I'm less distracted."
Unfollow her on social media sites and don’t check her pages. While social media is great for staying connected, it can make it really hard to let go of someone. It’s normal to want to check up on her, but this will just make it take longer to get over her. Instead, cut all ties on social media. This will help you get her out of your thoughts. If you have mutual friends that post photos of her often, you might want to unfollow them, as well. You can always re-follow them later when you’ve moved on.Tip: If you can’t stop looking at her page, use an app that limits the time you can spend on social media sites. For instance Offtime and Moment both work on iPhone and Android.
Ask mutual friends not to tell you about what’s going on in her life. Don’t ask them to share stories or updates about her. Instead, let them know that you’re trying to let go of your feelings and aren’t interested in what’s going on with her. This will help you get your thoughts off of her. Say, “I’m trying to stop thinking about Emily, so please don’t tell me what she’s been doing lately.”
Moving On
Focus on your personal goals instead of on her. Make a list of what you want most in life, such as getting your dream job or running a marathon. Then, write out the steps you need to take to reach that goal. Next, carve out some time in your schedule so you can start tackling those steps. Soon, you’ll be moving forward in life and leaving her behind. You could also spend time each day writing down 3 things that you're thankful for.Tip: Think of goals that don’t have to do with love. For example, your goal might be making the soccer team, going bungee jumping, writing a novel, getting into a top college, earning your degree, getting your dream job, or doing an overnight backpacking trip. Forget About a Girl You Like Step 14 Version 3.jpg
Work on self-improvement so your life feels more complete. When you find yourself obsessing about someone, it’s often because you feel like you’re missing something in your life. Fortunately, you already have the tools to fix that because you’re the only one who can complete yourself. Adopt new habits to help yourself feel more like the person you want to be. You might try the following: Spend time on your relationships with family or friends. Do 30 minutes of exercise 5-7 times a week to support your health. Organize your living space. Start a new hobby. Set and pursue a new educational or career goal, like going to college or getting a promotion.
Spend time with other girls to help you see new possibilities. Hang out with your female friends or try to make a few new friends. Don’t worry about if you want to pursue them romantically. Just recognize that other girls are out there, and each one is awesome in her own way. This will help you realize that you will find another great girl when you’re ready to look for love again. Don’t compare other girls to the girl you like because you’ll start thinking about her again.
Start dating again when you feel ready. Don’t rush to date again because you need time to heal. However, it’s good to open up your heart again when the time is right. When you're ready, ask a new girl on a date or accept her invitation, if she asks first. Start slowly. When you go on a first date with a new girl you like, take it easy and have fun. Don't talk about the girl you liked before. Otherwise, the girl you’re interested in now might think you’re not ready to date again.
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