Initiating a Play Fight
Tickle your girlfriend to start up a battle. You can initiate a playful fight by surprising your girlfriend and tickling her to get her amped up. She’ll try to stop you from tickling her and will probably try to tickle you as well. Target her sides around the ribcage and her stomach. Tickle her where you know she’s ticklish. If she isn’t in the mood for being tickled or play fighting, back off. It’s supposed to be fun, so if she isn’t having fun, then you should stop.
Play a prank on your girlfriend so she’ll want to get even. You can easily start a play fight by setting up your girlfriend for a silly and harmless prank. She’s likely to get slightly frustrated or aggravated and may want to get even with you by play fighting. For example, you could stick googly eyes onto a bunch of objects in her house—from fruits to furniture. Log into her phone and change the language settings so everything is in a foreign language. Drop a few raisins into her drink. They’ll sink to the bottom, so when she finishes her cup, she’ll think there are bugs in it. Put a piece of tape over her TV remote’s sensor to make it seem like the remote is broken.
Pinch your girlfriend to get her heated. A light pinch on your girlfriend’s arm, side, or even her butt can start up a fun bout of play fighting. Try catching her when she isn’t looking or expecting it, and give her a soft pinch with your thumb and index finger. Don’t pull, yank, twist, or pinch too hard, or you may cause her too much pain. When she looks at you to figure out what you’re doing, give her a playful smile to let her know you’re ready to throw down.
Goad your girlfriend into a play fight with harmless teasing. If you’re feeling cheeky or cute, or your girlfriend is trying to start up a play fight, you can move the action along by teasing or mock-taunting her with a fight. Keep it lighthearted so she knows it’s all innocent fun. For example, you could say something like, “Keep it up, and you’re going to get it!” while smiling and winking at her to show her you’re joking around. Don’t try to scare her or threaten her with physical harm. Make vague and harmless threats that’ll egg her on.
Toss a pillow at her lightly to start a pillow fight. Pillow fights can be a fun way to play-fight without actually wrestling or getting too rough if that’s how you and your girlfriend prefer to tussle! Pillows are soft, so pillow fights are usually harmless; just make sure you’re in a spacious area where you can rough house without running into furniture or breaking anything. It’s also a good idea to set ground rules before a pillow fight so you know what’s off-limits and what isn’t. For example, you might establish beforehand that neither of you will swing a pillow at the other’s face and that that fight will stop when one of you asks to end it.
Read your girlfriend’s cues that she wants to fight. If your girlfriend keeps playfully teasing you, pranking you, or trying to frustrate you, she may be trying to initiate a play fight herself. Pay attention to the signs she’s giving you; she might smile after teasing you or do something physical like gently push your arm or hip-check you if she’s trying to pick a playful fight. On the other hand, if your girlfriend seems upset about something, talk to her about what’s bothering her. You can always play fight later when she’s in a better mood for it. Your girlfriend may not enjoy play-fighting at all. If she seems worried, nervous, or gets really upset when you start play-fighting with her, take the hint and back off.
Roughhousing Playfully
Push her gently on her shoulder to get her off balance. Some gentle pushing can get your girlfriend frustrated and ramp up the play fight. She may come back and try to push you a little herself to keep the play-fight going. Just remember not to bully her or shove her too hard, especially if you’re much bigger and stronger than your girlfriend. Make sure it always feels like a game, not a real fight. Remember a few ground rules: don’t hit or kick your partner, push or pull her with excessive force, spit at her, or restrain her without permission. Be respectful no matter what! Try pushing her onto a bed or sofa so she has to get back up. Be careful not to push her to the ground or into an object like a desk or table, or she might get injured.
Wrestle with your girlfriend and try to pin her. Pinning your girlfriend with wrestling moves can force her to fight to get up. Make sure the area is clear of obstructions and safe to wrestle on. Just keep it fun; let her escape you easily and put her own moves on you, too. Don’t be forceful or wrestle like you’re trying to “win” an actual fight. Be gentle when you’re pinning her. Tussle a little, but don’t try to smother or smash her.Tip: Let her gain an advantage and get you in a pinned position so you can take a turn fighting out of it.
Nibble her gently as a sign of affection. While you’re both rolling around and play fighting, give her a gentle bite somewhere innocuous like her arm or shoulder. Playful biting (sometimes called “cute aggression”) can be an affectionate gesture. She’ll see and feel you bite her and might respond by fighting back or by nibbling you herself. Gentle biting can also be flirtatious. If you feel frisky, try lightly biting her ear or neck. Growl or make animal noises while you bite her so she knows you’re playing around. Don’t bite too hard or yank her skin with your teeth; that can really hurt.
Chase each other around in a game of tag. Turn play-fighting into a game by taking turns trying to tag one another. This kind of play can build a stronger bond between you, and your silly contest might even turn into gentle wrestling! If you enjoy playful competition, you might also enjoy starting a Nerf war with your girlfriend (by taking shots at one another with Nerf guns filled with soft foam darts). Tag or a Nerf war can make it easy to play with your girlfriend without getting too rough or physical with one another. However, remember not to aim for one another’s faces or play either game around delicate objects that might break if you run into them.
Respecting Her Boundaries
Discuss her boundaries (and yours) beforehand. Play-fighting can be a great way to bond, develop physical intimacy, and flirt with your girlfriend, but boundaries and mutual understanding are vital to making it work. Before trying to play-fight with your girlfriend, ask her if that’s something she likes—and, if so, what she’s okay with and what’s not allowed. Then, tell her about your preferences, too. For example, she might be okay with wrestling but not want to get pinned underneath you (even while playing). Similarly, you might enjoy playful wrestling but ask your girlfriend to avoid certain areas of your body (like your head, neck, or back, for example). Be mindful of power dynamics. If one of you is physically bigger and more powerful than the other, it’s important to remember that and take care to ensure the other doesn’t feel attacked, overwhelmed, or coerced at any point.
Recognize when she isn’t having fun play-fighting. If your girlfriend doesn’t want to play fight anymore or she seems upset, stop right away. You might notice her stop making eye contact; her energy and enthusiasm may disappear, or she may even start to cry if she gets upset enough. These are definite cues that the play fighting has gone too far. Even if you went too far accidentally, apologize and ask her if there’s anything you can do to make her feel better. Then, assure her that you’ll stay within her boundaries in the future.Tip: If your girlfriend went too far, is being too aggressive, or injured you, be honest and direct with her. Ask her to stop and explain what happened so she’s aware. Accidents happen, and play fighting can lead to injuries or aggression.
Stop if she tells you to stop. When your girlfriend tells you “stop” or says, “no,” that’s a clear boundary that must be respected. Even if you were already play-fighting and having fun, if she wants to stop, then stop. It’s important for your girlfriend to feel safe with you when you’re play fighting, especially if you’re bigger and stronger than her. She may giggle and say stop when you’re play fighting or tickling her. If you’re unsure what to do, ask her if she means it or if it’s okay to keep going—and if she clearly asks you to stop and isn’t having fun, stop immediately. It’s possible the play fighting triggered past trauma that she’s experienced, so be sensitive to her cues and listen to her.
Don’t play fight if you or your girlfriend are angry. In order to prevent play-fighting from going too far or somebody getting physically or emotionally hurt, don’t start up or participate in play-fighting if you’re angry. Plus, if your girlfriend is angry, don’t try to get her to play fight with you, and don’t participate in any fighting if she tries to initiate it. If you aren’t in the mood for play-fighting but your girlfriend is, tell her so. Let her know what you need, whether that means talking or taking a little time to decompress. Play-fighting is supposed to be fun. If you or your girlfriend are upset, take some time to cool off. If you or your girlfriend are angry, play-fighting is not the solution. Try diffusing the conflict by discussing the issue together. Then, try an activity that’s relaxing instead of combative (like getting a bite to eat together).
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