Take Care of the Basics
Whine a little. That's right. That's the first step to starting over. You’ve got to feel what you're feeling. Clamming everything up will just make you explode later. And what's more: admitting this is how it is could fuel you to do something about it. Acknowledging your situation and not liking it is the only way you can do something about it. So go ahead. Whine. You're unsatisfied. That's how living works. Talk about it. You know how dieters are supposed to have a diet buddy, or at least let the world know what they're going through? That's for support and accountability. It's the same principle here. Even if you just find one person, you'll have a friend to lean on and someone that can keep you on track when you slip. We all need that support.
Take time (off). The fact of the matter is that right now you need a break. Sometimes, life just needs to stop. In as much as you can actually do this, grab that Kit Kat and take a short hiatus. Start replenishing your energy bar for the massive endeavor you're about to rock, showing life who's boss. If you have a job, you may need to take time off work. Not a long time -- nothing to get you fired. Just a day or two to assess and concentrate. Right now is all about you.
Get a stable income. There's a definite hierarchy of needs that all humans have. For most of us, it involves having money at our disposal. In order to have food on the table, you need money in your pocket. You don't need a lot, but in order to move up the hierarchy (and to start thinking about climbing up), you need a stable income. So, to put it succinctly, if you're unemployed, start looking for work. Looking for work should take you 40 hours a week. In today's economy, it may not come easily, but it'll come. Keep your nose to the grindstone and leave no stone unturned, nor opportunity turned down.
Finish school. If you haven't finished high school, this is doubly important. In order to get a job, you'll need a GED. All it takes is pulling up a Google search and making a phone call to a local adult education center. Most places can help you work out a payment plan and want to see you on the right track. What's more, where's the harm in just asking? If you have some college, but haven't graduated, consider going back. Not only will you up your employment options, but you'll feel good about yourself. You'll feel accomplished. After all, rock bottom is just a state of mind. There are plenty of people who others might consider to be on rock bottom that feel on top of the world. Finishing college could change your mindset entirely.
Quit the nasty habits. If you're smoking, drinking, or partaking in other addictive behaviors on a constant basis, it needs to stop now. There is no personal advancement if it does not. In order to see progress, you cannot keep your old tricks. The buck stops here. Imagine the person you want to be. Does that person have a dependency on anyone or anything else? When it comes to this self project, why settle for anything less than that ideal image? You owe it to you to be the best you can be. If you can't kick this habit, none of the new, better habits will fall into place.
Start thinking proactively. When you need to change everything about your situation and to completely start over in life you need to make some major adjustments between your ears. You need to think like a new person, act like a new person, dress like a new person, and surround yourself with new people, yes. However, to do this, you need to start thinking positively and with conviction. Put away the "I can't," "what if?", and "maybes." There's no room for those here. This starting over? You're going to do it. It's highly possible that training your brain to think differently could alleviate this situation entirely. What are you but your thoughts, anyway? While it's impossible to instruct someone on how to specifically do this, know that the rest of this page will make that process a lot easier. Thinking positively and with confidence will make all these steps doable.
Determine exactly who you want to be. What will you look like? What will you dress like? What will your relationship look like? Where will you live? What car will you be driving? Take a good 15 minutes, close your eyes and really imagine the life you want down to what you feel like in that life. Take a good mental snapshot of your perfect life. You need to believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that this person you envisioned will be you. You need an end point in order to know just how and where to start your journey. Where do you want to end up? What goals would you like to reach? Write it down. Everybody needs something to work to because none of us is perfect. Now's your chance to pick yours. This is what you'll be aiming for.
Taking Care of Your Body
Take a shower. It may sound a little funny, but in order to get your mind clean, you need to get your body clean. To start fresh, you’ve got to be fresh. Being dragged down by the dirt of the day will only be a reminder of your present situation. Like we discussed earlier -- "rock bottom" is very much so a mental state and therefore can come and go with ease. Showers (and other seemingly pointless endeavors) then become tricks of the trade in that they can relax you, take away stress, and cue your mind that it's time to start over. You're not just getting clean -- you're getting prepared.
Start exercising. Seems a little ridiculous, on the outside, huh? What kind of person at rock bottom has the will (or maybe the means) to exercise? But the thing is you can't think of these things in such a linear fashion. In fact, you should think backwards. Does the successful person exercise or does the exerciser become successful? Is it the chicken or the egg we should be addressing? The first thing to go when you're down in the dumps is your body. You lie in bed all day, only greeting the sun to tell it to go away. To make matters worse, it's a vicious cycle that only propagates itself. Your body starts to drag and then your mind goes with it. When you exercise, your mind starts taking cues from your body instead of the other way around. You feel better, you look better, and you are better when you exercise -- enabling you to tackle the other parts of this insane world.
Concentrate on eating more healthily. All of a sudden it becomes hours upon hours of TV dinners, boxed wine, tubs of ice cream, and piles of self-loathing. After the binge, you feel absolutely terrible -- thus forcing the process to repeat. The only thing you can do then is lie on the couch and pray for a release from the impending indigestion. Not very productive, huh? Food should make you feel energized, not lethargic and full of reproach. After a healthy meal, your body feels better and you feel better. Are you noticing a pattern? Getting out of a rock bottom is about feeling good enough (not being good enough) to do something about it. Eating healthy is part of the mental trickery to get your mind speeding down the track to Awesome Town.
Make an effort on the outside. For the record, this point is not at all endorsing materialism or vanity. That being said, looking good on the outside can make you feel good on the inside. So after you take that shower (post-workout), throw on a nice outfit and go socialize. You've earned it. Knowing you look good can change your outlook on everything -- and how people treat you too (sad, but true). You'll find an inner source of confidence that can ultimately change your behavior (for the better). The world will probably be a bit kinder to you and in turn it's easier to be kinder to yourself.
Taking Care of Your Mind
Stop the negativity. You! Stop it. You know how it works. Instead of thinking thoughts that are helpful and rational you end up thinking things like, "I'm a complete failure -- I'll never amount to anything regardless of what I do, so why bother trying?" Here's some news for you: Those thoughts are not facts. They are feelings. And feelings can change. When you catch yourself thinking something negative, either force yourself to immediately stop it in its tracks or add on something to make it better. "I'm a complete failure" turns into, "I'm a complete failure at this one thing today. Tomorrow is another story." Take yourself out of the black and white. Nothing is 100%. When they said, "This too shall pass," this is what they were talking about.
Reestablish old hobbies and find new ones. Between naps and box sets of the Golden Girls, it's easy to lose track of who you once were. In order to snap out of the rut, you’ve got to do things that you may not want to do -- and keeping up your old (pre-rock bottom) life is one of them. If you used to play music, force yourself to play music. If you used to love cooking, cook. It may be the last thing you want to do, but rediscovering what once brought you joy could be just the catalyst for change you need. In addition to keeping up old habits (the good ones), new ones work just as well! Staying active (both physically and mentally) will force you out of this lackluster, lethargic thought-path you've been squeezed into. Are there any opportunities at your school or workplace? Is a friend trying something out that seems interesting to you? What could be a valuable way to spend your free time? In other words, what could distract you?
Make a to-do list every day. That dang villain called lethargy strikes daily. Morning rolls around and the only reason to get out of bed is to go to the bathroom. This is where the to-do list comes in handy. On it, write all the little things you want to accomplish for the day. It doesn't have to be world-changing, it just has to get you out of bed and being productive. It all depends on where you are in the process. It could be something like "send in 5 applications, "go for a 2 mile (3.2 km) run," or "talk to a new person." Think of a few things you'd like to see come to life in the near future -- what are small things you could do every day to achieve them?
Help others. Another trick to get out of your world and more wrapped up in the world of others (which can be a much less scary and intimidating place) is to help others. Not only will you make them feel good, but making them feel good will make you feel good. Instant gratification. Seek out the little opportunities in addition to the bigger ones. Offering to walk an elderly neighbor's dog, helping a pregnant woman with her groceries, help someone in your family -- all these little deeds add up. You'll gain a sense of purpose, possibly make friends, and just make the world better. That's three wins in one.
Surround yourself with positive influences. It's very possible that the crowd you're around is to blame for this rocky place you're up against. Hate to break it to you, but those around us can be total drains on our potential. Is it possible the relationships you have are making you a little worse for the wear? If the answer is even a maybe, it'll be best for you to put your efforts elsewhere. Sometimes it's necessary to end toxic friendships. We grow as people and our friends don't meet these new identities we find. It's totally normal. If any of your friends (or significant others) don't fill you with joy, maybe it's time for them to go.
Move. Obviously this is easier said than done, but if your present circumstances are highly dictated by location (no job opportunities, no friends to speak of), you may want to consider moving -- if it's financially feasible. It doesn't have to be a big move, but a change of scenery could do you some serious good. What better way to rejuvenate you than to rejuvenate all of your senses? With a move, soon enough you'll forget all about your former life. Who were you once, anyway? If bad memories are associated with where you are currently, give this idea serious thought. Is there anywhere you could go but still maintain your support network? Sit down with yourself and ask if this process (arduous though it may be) would be worthwhile. It's like getting handed a whole new world.
Striking a Balance and Routine
Be patient with yourself. Straight up, starting a new life doesn't happen overnight. It could take years. You'll probably be making such constant small progress that you won't even notice. Imagine losing 1/16th of a pound a day. You're not going to be able to tell for a long time -- but one day your clothes will be far, far too big. By the time you do notice, you'll probably be so awesome, happy, and content that rock bottom seems like it barely ever existed. Until the moment comes when you wake up and realize, "Crap. That used to be me, didn't it?" take your time. It'll come. It always does. It's always darkest before the dawn, remember?
Focus during the transitions. This is another way of saying, "Slow down before the speed bumps." There are going to be times when you're about to lose it -- when you feel on the cusp of falling back to where you used to be, only worse (is there a worse than rock bottom?). It's these times when focusing, staying positive, and realizing this is totally normal are absolutely mandatory. You're striking a serious balancing act between your old life and your new life right now, and that can get pretty daunting. No one expects you to do it with your hands tied behind your back and one eye closed. In fact, we expect you to lean on us for support. That's what we're here for. Though the transitions will be messy, know that they're only temporary. Focus and you'll get through them.
Cultivate a passion. You're on the up and up. Fan-fricking-tastic. Now it's time to find something new. Something fulfilling. Something to drive you. Something to keep those demons at bay. What does your mind immediately jump to? Any passion will do as long as you're passionate about it. It'll take up your time, use your creativity, and give you purpose. Being truly good at something is so rewarding. Being truly good at something you really, really enjoy is even more rewarding. Cultivating a passion, regardless of what it is, can do great things for your sense of self. You'll get so well-established that rock bottom isn't a place on your map anymore. It got erased.
Get into a satisfying routine. Now that you have all these new ideas that are fresh and exciting, you've got to stabilize and make them just part of your everyday world. It might take a few weeks, but balancing work, a social life, your passions, and free time will eventually all fall into place. There's no reason it shouldn't. The good news here is that the routine will help shape itself. As long as you keep your priorities in line (taking care of your body and your mind, like we covered), it'll fall into place.
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