Do You Know What a Man Needs from You in a Relationship?

Respect

Talk about and set boundaries with each other. Boundaries are at the core of respect, and you can't have a healthy relationship without respect. Establishing boundaries gives you a sort of default for what constitutes respect in your relationship.

Give him your full attention. When you listen actively, he knows that you have respect for his thoughts and feelings. Let go of any distractions and put your focus on him. Paraphrase what he said back to him in your own words so that he feels understood. For example, if he's telling you about an argument he's having with a friend, you might say, "I understand you feel like he didn't take your opinion into consideration, that must be so frustrating! You have every right to be upset."

Show up for him. Any time he's got something going on that's important, he wants to see you there cheering him on. Because he's important to you, anything that's important in his life is also important in yours. This also means stepping up for him and defending him if you need to. While he might be perfectly capable of defending himself, you're showing him that you respect him enough to face any challenge with him.

Trust

Keep your promises to him (and to others). Trust is built over time. When he sees that you consistently do what you say you're going to do, he will start to trust you more and more. It's reassuring for him to see that what you do is in line with what you say. If he sees you breaking promises to others, he might tell himself that he's different—but it's always going to be in the back of his mind that you're capable of that.

Communicate with him honestly and openly. It's difficult to have much of a romantic relationship if you're not being open and honest with each other. And because guys tend to depend on their romantic partners for a lot of their emotional support, it's crucial that he can count on you to be honest with him when he's at his most vulnerable.

Act reliably and consistently. He needs to know that he can count on you. This isn't about acting in any particular way—it's about acting in a way that's consistent and predictable for him so that he can feel comfortable relying on you. For example, if you always show up at least 5 minutes before you say you're going to be there, he knows that he can always rely on you to be there when you say you will be. When you make a mistake, apologize and take responsibility for what you've done or any harm you've caused. It reinforces his trust in you.

Affection

Show him the kind of physical affection he likes. Physical affection isa human need, but everybody likes different types of physical affection—and some people like a lot more of it than others. Find out what he likes and then go for it—spontaneous affection makes him feel wanted and needed. For example, you might walk up and give him a hug from behind as he's washing dishes or squeeze his arm as you pass him in the hall.

Compliment him at least once a day. Tell him something you like about him—not something he does for you, but something about who he is, like how great he is to talk to or how cute he is when he smiles. Men are taught that their value is in their ability to do stuff, but deep down they just want to be loved for who they are. When you compliment him for who he is, you're telling him that he's still valuable even if he can't do anything at all. That's really powerful!

Send him a sweet text message or note. Who doesn't love finding a cute love note when they least expect it? Guys need to know that their romantic partner adores them, and this is the perfect way to let him know just how much he means to you. For example, you might leave a note in the cabinet in the bathroom so that he sees it while he's getting ready for work in the morning.

Communication

Share your feelings with him openly. He can't know how you feel unless you tell him. When you share your feelings, you send the message that you feel safe being vulnerable with him. Seeing that you feel safe with him will help him feel safer being vulnerable with you.

Trust him to communicate clearly. You may have bought into the pop psychology message that men have some weird way of communicating, but the truth is that all humans communicate pretty much the same way. While he might have been socialized not to express certain feelings, he definitely knows how to tell you what he wants and what's on his mind.

Resolve conflicts together as a team. When the two of you disagree (it happens!) it's easy to look at it as you against him. But guys want someone who's going to look at a disagreement as a problem that the two of you need to tackle together. Conflict doesn't have to mean that one of you loses—it can mean that both of you win.

Support

Listen to his concerns and empathize with him. Men lean on their romantic partners for the bulk of their emotional support, which makes it all the more important to validate his feelings and empathize with his perspective. For example, if he's frustrated about something that happened at work, you might say, "That must have been so frustrating for you! I'm sorry you had to deal with that—anybody would've reacted the way you did. Would it help to vent about it?"

Encourage him to pursue his goals and chase after his dreams. A healthy relationship boosts the overall wellbeing of everyone involved. Because you believe in him, you're there every step of the way egging him on. You just know that he can do whatever he sets his mind to.

Contribute your fair share to your life together. Some couples split the expenses 50/50 regardless of the relative incomes, while others split expenses according to a proportion of each person's income. But which is more fair? It really depends on how you and your partner feel about it. Guys just want to feel like their contributions are appreciated and not taken for granted. It definitely helps to talk to your guy about finances on a somewhat regular basis and make sure he's still okay with the arrangement and doesn't feel like he's being taken advantage of in any way, especially if he makes a lot more money than you do.

Appreciation

Acknowledge his effort, even when it falls short. Nobody's perfect, and he can't get everything right all of the time—but he sure is going to try. In his romantic relationship, he's looking for someone who sees that effort and appreciates it (and who doesn't blame him when things don't turn out quite how he intended). For example, you might say, "You worked really hard on that project. It's too bad they didn't pick it for the final event, but it's their loss—yours would have been amazing!"

Thank him for the things that he does for you. As you go about your day, it's easy to forget to say "thank you" for the little things he does for you, but even a few well-placed words of gratitude will mean the world to him. Men need to feel as though their romantic partner has gratitude for them. Don't forget to also show gratitude to him just for being who he is. You picked him for a reason (probably several reasons)—let him know about it!

Do little things for him to make his life easier. When you do little things for him, it shows him that you've been listening to him and that you appreciate all of the things he does and how hard those things can be sometimes. For example, you might wash his car for him if you know he's going to meet an important client tomorrow and wants to make a good impression.

Independence

Encourage him to go hang out with the boys. Men tend to bond around shared activities, which means he needs to spend time with his friends (and they need to spend time with him, too). In a relationship, he needs time to nurture these independent friendships. This also helps you take the pressure off of each other. It's not fair to expect one person to fulfill all of these different emotional needs for you.

Schedule alone time and solo dates. Spending time alone allows each of you to reconnect with yourself. When you develop deeper levels of intimacy with yourself, you have more to share with each other in your relationship (and with the rest of the world). Alone time allows you to reflect and explore moments that might give you pause. You might journal or meditate to deepen your reflective state. For men, many of whom have been taught to suppress their emotions, alone time is vital—it might be the only time they feel comfortable looking at their raw thoughts and feelings about something.

Do individual activities in the same room together. Guys want a relationship where they don't have to be "on" all the time. When the two of you can be comfortable just being yourselves around each other and doing your own thing, you know you've built a relationship that will nourish your authentic selves. For example, you might read a book while he's playing a video game. This type of parallel play enhances your relationship by helping create a deep sense of trust and comfort.

Fun

Share a meme or viral video with him. Sharing laughter is a shortcut to emotional bonding. Besides, keeping up a sense of humor about things can lighten the load and make life more enjoyable.

Play games together. Especially when you've been together for a while, making time to have fun can fall by the wayside. But having fun together is an important part of a healthy relationship. For example, you might plan a game night together every other Sunday night.

Act goofy around each other. Men can have a hard time showing their silly side. In a romantic relationship, they need a partner who they can be playful and a little childish with. This might be why a lot of flirting involves acting a little immature. Anything spontaneous and playful fits the vibe here—just think about recapturing what it feels like to be a child in the world.

Security

Show interest in his feelings. Men can find it difficult to talk about their feelings because they believe their feelings aren't important. When you demonstrate that how he feels is important to you, he'll feel more comfortable talking about it. For example, you might say, "That sounds tough, I would have felt so frustrated. How did you feel?"

Validate his feelings. Men can also be insecure about their feelings. Because they share them infrequently, they might come to believe that their feelings are somehow incorrect or inappropriate. He needs his romantic partner to reassure him that it's totally normal for him to feel the way he does. For example, you might say, "Of course it's totally understandable that you would get upset. Anyone in your position would have felt offended."

Partnership

Approach life as a team. When he's in a relationship, he wants to know that you're going to be there no matter what. Let him know that he's never facing anything alone because you're right there by his side. For example, if he tells you that he believes he is going to lose his job, you might start preparing things you can do to help the two of you through that crisis. Remember that partners lean on each other. There will be times when you'll be carrying more weight, just like there will be times when he'll be carrying more weight.

Work together to maximize your individual strengths. Partners know how to pick up the slack for each other. You also know how to put each other in the position to shine. In a healthy partnership, the two of you working together create something greater than the sum of two people's efforts.

Encourage his self-improvement goals. Men need partners who want them to be the best they can be. Cheer him on with positivity and let him know that you believe in him. This also means celebrating his victories with him!

Forgiveness

Expect the best from him as your partner. He loves you and doesn't set out to frustrate you or anger you intentionally. When he does, it's typically an accident—just let him know what happened and how to fix it in the future. Use "I" language to put the focus on your feelings. For example, if you're upset that he didn't do the dishes, you might say, "I feel upset when I wake up and see dirty dishes in the sink. Could you make sure you wash any dishes you dirty after I go to bed?"

Give him the opportunity to make things right. If he's trying to change something that bothers you, remember that his progress won't be linear. He might still slip up occasionally but that doesn't mean he's not trying or that he doesn't care.

Have patience with the journey. The two of you are both growing and changing as you walk through life together. He needs someone who remains open and curious about him, someone who is interested in growing with him rather than growing apart from him.

Time

Schedule regular date nights. When you first start dating someone, you carve out time that you spend just with them. Even after you've moved in together and see each other every day, he still needs you to spend that quality time with him. Date nights are a way to make that happen! Your date nights don't have to be fancy—you can have a date night at home, the point is to spend quality time with each other.

Ask him about his day and listen to his answer. A lot of guys aren't really used to anyone caring about their thoughts or feelings about their day. In a romantic relationship, they need you to show interest in their life and their thoughts about things that have happened to them. It helps them reflect and put things into perspective. For example, when he comes home from work you might say, "Hey, you had that meeting with the regional VP today, right? How did it go? Are you feeling optimistic?"

Put down your phone when he's talking to you. It's a small act that does so much good—when you put down your phone and give him your undivided attention, he sees that you find him worth your time. In a relationship, men need to know that their partner values spending time with them.

Loyalty

Keep his secrets and silence gossip. Men lean on romantic relationships for a lot of their emotional support, which means he's going to tell you things that he wouldn't tell another soul—and he needs you to keep it that way. Honor his confidences by not sharing private stories about him. If you hear gossip about him, you might simply say, "That doesn't sound like the man I know. Why don't you talk to him about it?"

Talk him up when he's not around. Guys love when it's no secret that their romantic partner is also their biggest fan. He'll know that you're loyal to him if he hears about you bragging about him when you're out on the town with friends. This also means sticking up for him if your friends start trashing their significant others. He might never find out about it, but it'll mean the world to him if he does.

Intimacy

Discuss your sexuality openly with each other. As you grow and change, it's only natural that your sexual interests might grow and change as well. Men need romantic partners who are willing to be open with them about these changes and how the two of you can please each other.

Make time for physical intimacy with him. Physical intimacy doesn't just mean sex! Even though physical intimacy is a basic human need, different people need different types of physical love and physical touch. Ask him how he likes to be touched and be open to exploration with him.