Getting Ready to Ask for the Phone
Start saving money. Yes, of course, you’re hoping that your parents will pay for your phone, but two things: If you offer to pay at least part of the cost, you’ll be showing your parents that you take the situation seriously and it will make them more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt. If your parents say no, you can continue saving your money and approach them later, offering to cover even more of the cost to show your commitment.
Demonstrate your responsibility. In addition to making good argumentative points, you should show your parents that you’re responsible enough to merit a smartphone. Take care of your current possessions. Keep what you do have, whether it’s a laptop, tablet, or flip phone, in good shape. Protect it, don’t drop it, don’t lose it, and let your parents see how well you’re taking care of it. Act responsibly by attending to your assigned chores, or, if you don’t have specific chores assigned to you, pay attention to what needs to be done around the house and do it without being asked. Take out the trash, set the trash cans out on trash day and bring them back in afterward, change and wash your sheets, clean the dog poop out of the yard, wash the dishes in the sink, straighten up the living room, etc. The more you demonstrate responsible behavior, the more likely your parents will be to see you as responsible enough for a smartphone.
Get good grades in school. Show your parents that you’re focused enough and doing well enough in school to handle a smartphone. If it seems like you’re barely getting through your classes as it is, they’re unlikely to want to give you anything to additionally distract you. For the weeks leading up to when you’ll ask your parents, work on doing all your homework, getting As on tests and quizzes, etc.
Asking for the Phone
Choose your moment. Carefully select the right time to approach your parents for this conversation. Choose a time when they’re calm and not stressed or distracted. Don’t pounce on them right when they get home from somewhere--and especially don’t approach them as soon as they’re home from work. Don’t try to open the topic when other people are around. You don’t want potentially jealous siblings in the room, nor do you want to approach your parents if their friends or relatives are around (they’re more likely to be stressed or distracted).
Open the conversation calmly and with gratitude. The right attitude is necessary when approaching your parents with this request. Open the conversation calmly and maturely with something like, “Do you have a few minutes? There’s something very important I’d like to talk to you about.” Lead into the discussion with a demonstration that you appreciate the things they’ve already given you and the amount of time and energy they put into helping you daily. You might say something like, “I appreciate how much time and effort you put into helping me with my homework and making dinner [or fill in the blanks according to your situation]. And I’m thankful for the bike you gave me for Christmas because it’s helping me to get around [or, again, fill in as appropriate].”
Take the pressure off. Before asking the question, preface it with something like “You don’t have to say yes or no right now” to let them know that you’re willing to give them time to think it over. Taking away the pressure of an immediate response will help your parents listen to what you have to say without immediately making up their minds; when parents have to immediately decide something, the answer is often no.
Ask the question politely and sincerely. When you’re ready to pose the question itself, do so politely but also sincerely--that is, don’t be obsequious or saccharine. It will only make your parents suspicious of you and your true motives. Form the question so that you’re opening a dialogue rather than dropping a bombshell. You might, for example, say something like “I’d like to talk with you about getting a smartphone.”
Offer to contribute towards the cost. Showing your parents you care enough and are responsible enough to save money to put towards the phone may help convince them you’re ready for one. Maybe even offer to pay most of the cost. Explain to your parents that you specifically went out of your way to save this money so that you could take responsibility for part of the cost of the phone. Explain further that you’ll also be invested in the phone, and will thus have a vested interest in taking care of it and not losing it.
Tell them it will keep you organized. What are smartphones for if not for the organization? Well, a lot of things, but you don’t need to mention that part. Your smartphone will allow you to keep all of your events in one calendar, and--most importantly--it’s a calendar you can share with them so they can see what you’ve got going on. A smartphone calendar will help you schedule long-term school projects, thus helping you better manage your time and do better in school. Because you can sync your calendar to your parents’, they can input and set up reminders for important things they need you to remember, like dentist and doctor appointments. If you have a good reason for wanting something, your parents might be more likely to get it for you.
Tell them it will keep you safe and in touch. With a smartphone, you always have a comprehensive, worldwide map right in your hand, plus a list of emergency contacts and a GPS tracking system. If you’re ever driving somewhere, your phone can guide you and even help you avoid hazards. If you’re walking, your phone can prevent you from getting lost in unfamiliar places. Talk about how a smartphone will help you stay in touch with them at all times. The phone will not only allow you to text or call your parents whenever you need to, but it also has GPS abilities that can allow your parents to know where you are. Many tracking apps allow you and your family members to keep track of each other, which can be particularly helpful for parents who tend to worry frequently about your whereabouts.
Explain that a smartphone will help you study. Smartphones are perfect for getting work done anytime, any place. More and more school assignments require internet research, and with a smartphone, you can do your work while waiting for the bus, in between classes, etc. There are all kinds of great study- and productivity-enhancing apps available to download to help you with everything from note-taking to brainstorming to task management.
Remind them of how well you’re doing in school. If you did the groundwork of keeping or getting your grades up, now’s the time to let it work for you. Don’t just tell or promise your parents that you’ll do well in school if you have a smartphone. Instead, have physical evidence to back you up--a report card, some exams you aced, a recent project or paper, etc. Explain that not only will a smartphone help you in school now, but it will also help you continue to excel.
Remind them about consolidation. A smartphone will eliminate the need to have and carry around multiple devices for email, movies, music, and books. Instead of having separate devices for all of your work and entertainment needs, you can carry just one smartphone. So your parents will have fewer devices to buy and you’ll have fewer gadgets to lose or break.
Remind them of parental controls. It’s not uncommon for parents to worry about what their kids can access on the internet, particularly if the internet lives in their pocket. So try to head these concerns off in the past. If they have reservations about what you can access with your smartphone or about how much you might use your smartphone, tell them not to worry. Remind them that they can set parental controls on the phone to put their mind at ease. Your parents can set controls via your cellular carrier that include limits on the number of texts and calls you can make, as well as the number of purchases you can make and the amount of data you can use per month. Your parents can also set specific controls using your smartphone’s operating system, including setting up safe searches on your phone’s browser and YouTube. Finally, there are several smartphone apps designed specifically to enable additional parental controls on the phone.
Demonstrate responsibility. Many parents have reservations about their kids not knowing the right and wrong things to do with a smartphone, so help reassure them. Remind them of how it will help them learn money management. Not only will you be demonstrating financial responsibility if you offer to pay part of the cost, but you can also continue to hone your financial skills with the number of helpful tools and apps available on a smartphone. Certain apps will allow you to draw up a budget and then help you to follow it while others allow your parents to set up a list of chores and a monetary amount for you to receive upon completing them. Talk about your knowledge of responsible phone use: describe your understanding that you shouldn’t--and won’t--send inappropriate text messages or images and tell them you understand that certain kinds of apps will be inappropriate and will let them have the final say on what you have on your phone. If you want to show them how serious you are, tell them that you and they can write up an agreement that you can all sign outlining what you will and won’t do with your phone.
Dealing with the Answer
React calmly, no matter what. This is important--don’t blow your current or future chances of getting a smartphone by over-reacting one way or another. If they say no, accept the answer calmly and patiently. Don’t whine, yell, rant, or plead. If you stay calm and measured, there are a few more steps you can take (see below) to help your cause. Ask them why they’re making that decision (and work on those things if they’re under your control, like doing better in school, getting along with your siblings, etc.) Be willing to listen to your parents with an open mind, and try not to get defensive—it's okay if they disagree or see things differently. If they say yes, thank them calmly for hearing you out and for trusting in your responsibility. Don't launch into a victory dance or start jumping up and down on the couch--it may very well make them reconsider their decision.
Remind them of the inevitability of smartphones. More and more phones being produced are smartphones, and quite soon smartphones will dominate the market to the point that non-smartphones will be increasingly rare. So remind them that they’re delaying the inevitable--it will give them something to think about. But do not remind them of this fact in a whining or self-pitying way--you need to be mature and thoughtful if you want this to work. It might also help to look into how many of your peers have a smartphone. Parents often use their kid's social group as a good indicator of readiness for their child.
Let the matter rest. Don’t continually come after them if they say no. Hounding your parents about the issue is likely to both annoy them (thus hurting your cause) and show them that maybe you aren’t mature enough for a smartphone (really hurting your cause). Letting the issue rest will also give your parents additional time to think and to consider your arguments. With time, they may come to agree more with your point of view. You can bring the issue up again in several weeks or months. Wait until you have something new and substantial to add to your argument--a straight-A report card, a month’s worth of perfect chores, etc.
Use your new phone judiciously. If and when you get a smartphone, use it responsibly. Don’t go over your data, text, or call limits. Don’t spend all your time glued to your phone. Pay attention and be present with your friends and family. Don’t pull out your phone at the dinner table or family gatherings. Don’t set up obnoxious ringtones or sound effects--you want to be able to keep your new phone, right?
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