How to Admit That You Like Someone of the Same Gender

Admitting Your Feelings to Yourself

Know how to tell if your feelings are romantic. Romantic love involves a fondness for the other person, but it's accompanied by a deeper attraction in which you want to develop a sexual/intimate relationship with them. This goes one step beyond typical feelings of friendship or companionship. For example, with romantic love, you like being around the person, but you are also physically attracted to the person and feel aroused by them. Romantic love is a step further than just friendship, which may be considered platonic love.

Journal about how you’re feeling. Chronicle your thoughts and feelings on paper to gain a better understanding of what you want. Review journal entries after a few days to spot themes or patterns. When you write, are you constantly referring to the person? Do you mention feeling jealousy when this person is with another love interest? Do you find yourself worrying about your appearance or trying to put your best foot forward around them? The answers to these questions can help confirm your feelings.

Reflect on past experiences. Many people who are same-gender attracted report having these feelings previously with others. Thinking about your past dating or sexual history can help you determine if these feelings portray an orientation or merely mean that you have strong feelings for just one person. If you have ever felt attracted to a person of the same gender before, that could provide support for your current feelings.

Give it time to see if the feelings stick around. It can be tempting to dive in headfirst once you realize you like the other person, but wait it out. If these feelings are relatively new, they could change. Delay telling the person until you’re absolutely sure you like them and you want to act on those feelings. For instance, if you decide to wait 2 weeks before you say anything and your attraction only grows during that time, then you’ll have confirmation that your feelings are real.

Talk with a counselor to further explore your sexuality. If you’re struggling with the idea of being same-gender attracted or if you need additional support, see a professional counselor. You might talk to the counselor at your school or find one in your local community. A counselor can help you better understand the feelings you’re having. They can also offer encouragement for coming out to family and friends.

Telling a Friend or Family Member

Come to terms with your sexuality before sharing it with the world. Some people argue that coming out relieves stress and gives others the opportunity to support you, but you should only come out when you’re ready. Coming out as gay, lesbian, pansexual, queer, bisexual, or another identity can open you up to stigma or discrimination, so it makes sense to be okay with the idea yourself before telling others.

Get emotional support from someone you trust first. Have a chat with a close friend or family member and share your feelings. Ask for their support and/or advice about how you should proceed. You might say, “I think I might have feelings for Andrea. This is new to me and I don’t know what to do.” Be sure you confide in a person who is supportive and non-judgmental. Reach out to a friend who is queer. They may be able to empathize and provide useful advice.

Ask for support when telling your parents. Most people may feel more comfortable telling a friend, sibling, or trusted adult about same-gender attraction before revealing these feelings to their parents. If this describes you, ask someone you trust to join you in telling your parents. This person doesn't have to say anything-they're just there to offer support. You might ask your best friend, older sibling, or guidance counselor to act as an ally and accompany you when you break the news to your parents. When you tell your parents, be sure to communicate your feelings with certainty, so they don't assume what you're feeling is just a "phase." Prepare for potential resistance from your parents. You may wish to put this off until you are certain about how you feel.

Answer questions to the extent you feel comfortable. Your friends or family may question your same-gender attraction by asking what changed, if you were previously dating someone of the opposite gender. They may also ask how you are sure about your sexuality. Answer these questions honestly and to the best of your ability, so they can have clarity. But, don't be afraid to say "I don't know" or "I'd rather not say." Your loved ones don't have to know all the details of your journey to being same-gender attracted.

Don't feel pressured to choose a side or a label yourself. Having feelings for one person of the same-gender isn’t a clear indicator of being LGBTQ. Take some time to get used to the idea and see if additional same-gender attractions occur before deciding if you are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, pansexual, queer, or something else. If you feel pressured by others to define yourself, simply tell them, “I’m still exploring.”

Sharing Your Feelings with Your Crush

Gauge the person’s possible reaction. Before you talk to the person about your feelings, try to anticipate how they’ll respond to your news. Use your past interactions or experiences with them to predict if they’ll be receptive. For example, if the person often flirts with you, that’s a clear indicator that they probably like you. You might also review what you know about their sexuality: have they dated others of the same gender? Are they currently exploring their own sexuality?

Broach the subject with a question. Sometimes, it's hard to tell if someone likes you, so you may want to take a more subtle approach. Act curious about their sexuality and ask a few questions to gauge whether they’d be receptive to dating you. You might ask, “So, have you ever thought about dating girls/guys?” or “Have you ever been attracted to someone of the same gender?” Their response to your question can serve as a lead-in to you telling them you're attracted to them.

Use humor if you’re not sure of how the person will respond. Telling a light-hearted joke is another way to express your feelings subtly. When you’re around the person, say something like, “Ah, it’s too bad you’re straight, because I really like you!” or "I would love to have a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner like you!" Telling them in a joking way could also offer them an out if they’re not interested or if they need more time to process the idea.

Have a candid, in-person conversation. Come right out and tell the person that you’re attracted to them and would like to pursue a relationship. A one-on-one talk helps you clearly communicate how you feel. You might say, “I don’t know how you’re going to react, but I felt I should tell you that I really like you. I think you’re gorgeous and funny, and I’d love for us to get closer.” You might prefer this approach over writing an email, letter, or text message, particularly if you’d rather keep your attraction private.

Accept their choice if the person rejects you. If your crush is not interested in you, don’t take it personally. There are many reasons why a person might reject you: they are straight, they are not interested in being in a relationship right now, or they don’t want to risk jeopardizing their friendship with you. To help yourself react rationally to rejection, take a few deep breaths. Then, tell the person, “I appreciate your honesty.” Even if it hurts at first, you’ll feel better with time.

Practice self-care. Whether your crush rejected you or reciprocated your interest, you've still gone through quite an emotional journey. Be sure to care for yourself during this time. Make a list of why you’re awesome, hang out with your best friends, or treat yourself to a spa day or a new outfit.